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Inspirational Quotations #631

May 8, 2016 By Nagesh Belludi Leave a Comment

Slavery is a system of the most complete injustice.
—Plato (Ancient Greek Philosopher)

The most heated defenders of a science, who cannot endure the slightest sneer at it, are commonly those who have not made very much progress in it and are secretly aware of this defect.
—Georg Christoph Lichtenberg (German Scientist)

Prayer draws us near to our own souls.
—Herman Melville (American Novelist)

Education is hanging around until you’ve caught on.
—Robert Frost (American Poet)

In private conversation between intimate friends the wisest men very often talk like the weakest; for, indeed, the talking with a friend is nothing else but thinking aloud.
—Joseph Addison (English Essayist)

Situated in some nebulous distance I do what I do so that the universal balance of which I am a part may remain a balance.
—Antonio Porchia (Italian Poet)

Love is a fruit in season at all times, and in reach of every hand.
—Mother Teresa (Albanian Catholic Humanitarian)

Success is simply a matter of luck. Ask any failure.
—Earl Nightingale (American Motivational Speaker)

Once you have permission to talk to someone, finding new products or services for them is a smart way to grow.
—Seth Godin (American Entrepreneur)

Fear is the absence of faith.
—Paul Tillich (American Lutheran Theologian)

To deny, to believe, and to doubt absolutely—this is for man what running is for a horse.
—Blaise Pascal (French Catholic Mathematician)

The how” thinker gets problems solved effectively because he wastes no time with futile “ifs” but goes right to work on the creative “how”.”
—Norman Vincent Peale (American Clergyman, Self-Help Author)

Let the wife make the husband glad to come home, and let him make her sorry to see him leave.
—Martin Luther (German Protestant Theologian)

There is no education like adversity.
—Benjamin Disraeli (British Head of State)

The life of wisdom must be a life of contemplation combined with action.
—M. Scott Peck (American Psychiatrist)

Character is a perfectly educated will.
—Novalis

Happy people plan actions, they don’t plan results.
—Dennis Wholey

Filed Under: Inspirational Quotations

Party Etiquette: Can you take your leftovers home?

May 6, 2016 By Nagesh Belludi 5 Comments

A reader’s question about party etiquette: at the end of a party, could you expect to return home with leftovers of the food or the drink you contributed to the party?

No, not unless the host offers.

You’re a guest in your host’s home and anything you contributed to the party is tantamount to a gift. Unless the host decides not to preserve the remainder of your contribution and suggests that you take your leftovers home, don’t expect to return with your leftovers. Just return with your empty dish.

At potluck parties, however, you can take your leftovers home, but first offer to leave some or all of the leftovers for the host.

Wondering what to read next?

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  2. How to Reduce Thanksgiving Stress
  3. Party Etiquette for the Vegetarian Guest
  4. Party Farewell Done Right
  5. Stop asking, “What do you do for a living?”

Filed Under: Ideas and Insights Tagged With: Etiquette, Networking, Social Life

Party Etiquette for the Vegetarian Guest

May 3, 2016 By Nagesh Belludi Leave a Comment

  • When RSVPing to a party, mention your dietary restrictions and allergies: “Thanks for the invitation. I must tell you that I am vegan and gluten-free. I am also allergic to peanuts.” Be as specific as possible; mention if you can consume milk products and eggs. Elaborate if you can’t eat anything particular: butter, marshmallows, honey, gelatin, chicken stock, or lard in desserts.
  • Offer to provide for yourself and help out: “May I bring my five-bean and avocado salad with baked nachos? That should also cover the appetizer course for you!” If you’re comfortable with meat substitutes, offer to bring the meat-alternative dish that’s most suitable for the occasion: “May I bring a Tofurky dish? I’ve heard it mimics the taste and texture of a Thanksgiving meal.”
  • If the party is in your honor and the host insists upon cooking for you, suggest an easy dish they could prepare for you. Don’t make the host search for a dish that best suits your preferences.
  • Understand that your hosts can’t cater to every guest’s preferences. Don’t be offended if your host forgets about your dietary restrictions. Appreciate that they’ll be spending a lot of time preparing for and cleaning up after the party. If your host hasn’t made any accommodations to cover your dietary needs, just eat salad, quick-and-easy canned soup, or whatever is practical for the host to organize quickly for you. Don’t grumble.

Wondering what to read next?

  1. What to Do When an Invitation Says “No Gifts”
  2. How to Reduce Thanksgiving Stress
  3. Party Etiquette: Can you take your leftovers home?
  4. Party Farewell Done Right
  5. Stop asking, “What do you do for a living?”

Filed Under: Ideas and Insights Tagged With: Etiquette, Networking, Social Life

Inspirational Quotations #630

May 1, 2016 By Nagesh Belludi Leave a Comment

I believe in liberty for all men: the space to stretch their arms and their souls; the right to breathe and the right to vote, the freedom to choose their friends, enjoy the sunshine, and ride on the railroads, uncursed by color; thinking, dreaming, working as they will in a kingdom of beauty and love.
—W. E. B. Du Bois (American Civil Rights Activist)

The more you express gratitude for what you have the more you will have to express gratitude for.
—Zig Ziglar (American Author)

The best of a book is not the thought which it contains, but the thought which it suggests; just as the charm of music dwells not in the tones but in the echoes of our hearts.
—Oliver Wendell Holmes, Sr. (American Physician)

Happiness will never be any greater than the idea we have of it.
—Maurice Maeterlinck (Belgian Playwright)

He who lives in the future lives in a featureless blank; he lives in impersonality; he lives in Nirvana. The past is democratic, because it is a people. The future is despotic, because it is a caprice. Every man is alone in his prediction, just as each man is alone in a dream.
—G. K. Chesterton (English Journalist)

Some dying men are the most tyrannical; and certainly, since they will shortly trouble us so little for evermore, the poor fellows ought to be indulged.
—Herman Melville (American Novelist)

The deepest definition of youth is life as yet untouched by tragedy.
—Alfred North Whitehead (English Mathematician)

Every man of genius sees the world at a different angle from his fellows, and there is his tragedy.
—Havelock Ellis (British Sexologist)

Filed Under: Inspirational Quotations

People Cannot be Perfect

April 29, 2016 By Nagesh Belludi Leave a Comment

“Each person is an idiom… an apparent violation of the syntax of the species.”
—Gordon Allport, American Psychologist, in Becoming

“People Are Like Apples”

Some of the best advice I’ve ever received relates to managing people. Many years ago, as I was getting ready to hire my first employee, I prepared a long list of ideal competencies. My manager laughed at my list and remarked that I was looking for a perfect candidate, one that I wouldn’t be able to find. He told me a metaphor about how “people are like apples” and encouraged me to look for a good-enough employee instead.

When you buy apples in a market, don’t look for spotless apples, but rather for good-enough apples. Spotless “choice” apples are not only difficult to find, but may cost more. Instead, look for apples that are good enough and may have one or two bad spots. When you get an apple with a spot on it, you can either remove the spot with a knife (almost always, the spot is not very deep) or simply eat around the bad spot, thus enjoying the rest of the “near perfect” apple.

Employees, bosses, colleagues, friends, relatives, parents, kids, spouses, and all people are like apples. Use a metaphorical knife to work around their imperfections, flaws, weaknesses, and idiosyncrasies.

“Root for their better angels”

Last year, the ever-brilliant Ben Casnocha wrote a fascinating essay reflecting upon his “10,000 Hours with Reid Hoffman,” the founder of LinkedIn and a Silicon Valley investor. As Hoffman’s chief of staff, Casnocha worked on various strategic aspects of Hoffman’s professional and personal initiatives. He also co-authored two books, Start-up of You (on career management) and The Alliance (on talent management).

Casnocha’s “What I Learned” essay is full of helpful management and leadership insights. Here’s one on people-skills:

One of Reid’s underrated gifts … is that he maintains very complicated portraits of the people he knows. He appreciates the full spectrum of strengths and weaknesses of a particular person. He’ll comment on a friend’s character flaw—say, self-centeredness—but in the next breath note one of their unique strengths. Flaws that cause others to completely disengage are, for Reid, “navigable” (to use a Reid-ism) en route to their better side. … If you make a mistake (or three) or if a weakness of yours gets exposed—you’re not dead to him. It’s just another data point in a rich tapestry in a long-term relationship.

Idea for Impact: Work around Others’ Faults

A Chinese Proverb reminds, “Gold cannot be pure, and people cannot be perfect.” People differ greatly in their capacities: some are stronger than others, some are better looking, some are better at science, some draw and paint better, and some are better athletes. Some make decisions through logic; others rely on intuition. Intelligent people are sometimes not physically very agile and are frequently socially awkward. Great artists sometimes cannot do enough math even to balance their checkbooks. Most people are smart in their specific spheres of competence, but are clueless in many other areas of human endeavor.

When working with people, work around their idiosyncrasies. Overlook and compensate for their imperfections, or coach them and help them work on their weaknesses. Being skilled at working with people in all aspects of life involves being able to fortify their strengths and making their weaknesses irrelevant.

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Filed Under: Living the Good Life, Managing People, Sharpening Your Skills Tagged With: Coaching, Mentoring, Perfectionism, Relationships

How to Address Employees with Inappropriate Clothing

April 26, 2016 By Nagesh Belludi Leave a Comment

Inappropriate dressing is one of those workplace concerns that is often ignored or forgotten until it becomes a problem. Revealing clothing can be an all-day distraction while a sloppy or untidy employee can project an unprofessional image about the entire company.

Some employees simply don’t get it when it comes to clothing choices for work. Inexperienced employees may walk into their offices wearing miniskirts, low rise jeans, baggy jeans that keep falling off the waist, baseball caps, spaghetti strap tops, low-cut blouses that expose the midriff, sandals, flip-flops, inappropriate tattoos, body piercings, or a three-day stubble.

Sadly, managers often avoid talking about inappropriate clothing because the highly sensitive and personal nature of those discussions makes them uncomfortable, especially when the offending employee is of the other gender.

Letting the problem fester makes the situation worse: each day the offending employee doesn’t hear an objection only reinforces his/her assumption that the clothing is appropriate and increases the prospect of a defensive reaction when a manager decides to finally address the issue.

How to Tell an Employee Who Is Dressed Inappropriately?

Dealing with unprofessional dress can be awkward, but it’s crucial to intervene directly, tactfully, and discretely.

  • Begin by having an official company policy on the expected work attire and making employees aware of it. Not only does a dress code set the standards for appropriate clothing, but it also provides a legal basis for addressing a problem without making it an issue of personal judgment. Given the modern-day relaxed rules concerning office attire, try to be specific as possible instead of using vague terms such as “business casual.” One best practice is to include pictures from dress stores for what is appropriate and what is not. Make sure the dress code is consistent with your company and industry’s culture and what your customers expect. Include policies regarding hygiene, personal grooming, tattoos, and piercings. Update the dress code to keep up with the latest professional, social, and fashion trends.
  • Inappropriate Dressing for Workplace Meet the offending employee discretely and ask, “Aaron, are you aware of our dress code?” Then, mention the specific instance of the problem, “Some of your clothes are a bit more provocative than appropriate for our workplace.” State facts and not judgments. Relate any rebuke to a business purpose, viz., the need for a professional workplace or dress-appropriateness in customer-facing roles. Ask the employee how he/she could rectify the matter. If necessary, remind that employees must accommodate the employer, not the other way around.
  • Be sensitive about religious, cultural, and gender-related aspects of office dressing. A male manager who needs to speak to a female employee (or vice versa) should consider having the problem subtly and discretely addressed through another female employee. Consider including another coworker in the conversation as a witness to prevent a discrimination claim. Seek guidance from human resources.
  • If the problem persists, try to converse again but have someone from human resources present.

Idea for Impact: A manager can forestall a great deal of employee problems by being proactive about setting expectations. Managers can and should create an appropriate work environment by defining hard boundaries on office etiquette, respectful interaction, and dress codes and then actively addressing concerns before they become problems.

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Filed Under: Managing People Tagged With: Coaching, Conversations, Etiquette, Feedback, Mentoring, Workplace

Inspirational Quotations #629

April 24, 2016 By Nagesh Belludi Leave a Comment

He who moves not forward goes backward.
—Johann Wolfgang von Goethe (German Poet)

I am sure that since I have had the full use of my reason, nobody has heard me laugh.
—Earl of Chesterfield

Listen to what you know instead of what you fear.
—Richard Bach (American Novelist)

A failure is a man who has blundered, but is not able to cash in on the experience.
—Elbert Hubbard (American Writer)

My faith runs so very much faster than my reason that I can challenge the whole world and say, “God is, was and ever shall be.”
—Mohandas K. Gandhi (Indian Hindu Political leader)

One loyal friend is worth ten thousand relatives.
—Euripides (Ancient Greek Dramatist)

The greatest gains and values are farthest from being appreciated. We easily come to doubt if they exist. We soon forget them. They are the highest reality.
—Henry David Thoreau (American Philosopher)

All I say is, nobody has any business to go around looking like a horse and behaving as if it were all right. You don’t catch horses going around looking like people, do you?
—Dorothy Parker (American Poet)

Men may rise on stepping-stones of their dead selves to higher things.
—Alfred, Lord Tennyson (British Poet)

Self-respect will keep a man from being abject when he is in the power of enemies, and will enable him to feel that he may be in the right when the world is against him.
—Bertrand A. Russell (British Philosopher)

It is not well to make great changes in old age.
—Charles Spurgeon (British Baptist Preacher)

It is always the secure who are humble.
—G. K. Chesterton (English Journalist)

Whatever is graceful is virtuous, and whatever is virtuous is graceful.
—Cicero (Roman Philosopher)

Filed Under: Inspirational Quotations

Find out What Your Customers Want and Give it to Them

April 22, 2016 By Nagesh Belludi 1 Comment

“Nobody asked the dogs what they wanted”

Once upon a time, a pet-foods company struggled to sell a new dog food product they’d recently introduced to the market.

The company’s CEO called the department heads together to discuss why the new product wouldn’t sell.

The head of production said he’d done everything right; it wasn’t his department’s fault.

The heads of the sales, advertising, finance, packaging, shipping, and distribution departments had done everything right. None of them were to blame.

The CEO demanded, “Darn! What happened? Why won’t our new product sell?”

A junior staffer shouted from the back of the room, “Sir, it’s just that the dogs simply won’t eat our doggone food. You see, nobody asked the dogs what they wanted.”

Idea for Impact: Customer Focus Drives Company Success

Your research and development efforts will be successful only if they’re driven by a thorough understanding of what your customers want. Engage your customers. Pay close attention to their needs in every phase of product/service design including idea generation, product design, prototyping, production, distribution, and service. Remember Peter Drucker’s dictum that “the purpose of a business is to create and keep a customer.”

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Filed Under: Business Stories, Leadership, Managing Business Functions, The Great Innovators Tagged With: Creativity, Customer Service, Innovation, Parables, Peter Drucker, Thought Process

Why Doing Good Is Selfish

April 19, 2016 By Nagesh Belludi Leave a Comment

Consider the following legend about Abraham Lincoln (1809–1865) from J. E. Gallaher’s Best Lincoln Stories (1898.)

The Fable of Abraham Lincoln and the Pigs

Once Lincoln was traveling in a mud-wagon coach along a swampy, rural area. His fellow passenger was his good friend and US Senator Edward Dickinson Baker, who later lost his life in the Battle of Ball’s Bluff at the onset of the American Civil War.

While they were conversing in the mud-wagon coach, Lincoln remarked to Baker that in doing good and evil, all people are motivated by selfishness. Just as Baker challenged Lincoln’s assertion, their coach crossed a rickety bridge over a slough (a large swampy marsh.)

Abruptly, Lincoln and Baker glimpsed a mother pig making a terrible squeal because her piglets were stuck in the swamp, couldn’t get out, and were in danger of drowning.

Abraham Lincoln As their coach started to head away, Lincoln yelled, “Driver, can’t you stop just a moment?” The driver replied, “If the other fellow don’t object.”

With Baker’s approval, Lincoln jumped out of the wagon, ran to the slough, lifted the piglets one by one out of the swamp, and carried them to the dry bank of the swamp.

When Lincoln returned to the coach, Baker remarked, “Now, Abe, where does selfishness come in this little episode?”

Lincoln replied, “Why, bless your soul, Ed, that was the very essence of selfishness. I would have had no peace of mind all day had I gone on and left that suffering old sow worrying over those pigs. I did it to get peace of mind, don’t you see?”

Psychological Egoism

Being moved by the plight of others—even the suffering of animals (or sentient beings to use Buddhist terminology) as in the aforementioned legend of Lincoln and the piglets—is considered a selfish deed per modern philosophy’s theory of ‘psychological egoism’.

Egoism has its roots in the philosophy of the Greek philosopher Epicurus (341–270 BCE,) who argued that the human mind is driven by the need to maximize pleasure and minimize pain. Egoism contends that deep down all our actions are motivated by what we perceive to be in our own self-interest. For example, if Tom saves Mark from drowning in a river, egoism contends that Tom’s seemingly altruistic behavior is actually motivated by his own self-interest to avoid potential social censure for not helping Mark or to be regarded a hero within his social circle.

Idea for Impact: Be Selfish, Be Generous

Mahatma Gandhi said, “The best way to find yourself is to lose yourself in the service of others.”

The great Indian philosopher Aurobindo wrote in Towards the Light, “The secret of joy is self-giving. If any part in you is without joy, it means that it has not given itself, it wants to keep itself for itself.”

The Dalai Lama once advised, “If you want others to be happy, practice compassion. If you want to be happy, practice compassion.” Per the Buddhist concept of interconnectedness, altruistic generosity encourages us to perceive others more positively. When we discover the suffering of others, we realize that those individuals could just as easily have been us. Intuitively, we contemplate “I feel their pain; I can’t let that happen” and are driven to helping others.

When we do something for others and lose ourselves in the service of others, not only do we feel closer to them, but also they feel closer to us. By focusing on giving rather than receiving and on contributing rather than consuming, our generosity can engender an outward orientation toward the world, shifting our focus away from ourselves.

As our whole perception broadens, we realize that the biggest beneficiary of our generosity is often ourselves: at the outset, we are filled with joy with the recognition that someone else is happier because of us.

Idea for Impact: If you want to feel good, help someone else.

Wondering what to read next?

  1. Treating Triumph and Disaster Just the Same // Book Summary of Pema Chödrön’s ‘The Wisdom of No Escape’
  2. The Source of All Happiness: A Spirit of Generosity
  3. Boost Your Confidence Quickly: Lift Others
  4. Weak Kindness & The Doormat Phenomenon: Balance Kindness with Strength
  5. Anger is the Hardest of the Negative Emotions to Subdue

Filed Under: Great Personalities, Living the Good Life, Mental Models Tagged With: Abraham Lincoln, Altruism, Buddhism, Kindness, Mindfulness

Inspirational Quotations #628

April 17, 2016 By Nagesh Belludi Leave a Comment

He who is wise in the ancient law of Righteousness and is well-behaved will never go to the lower state of existence.
—Buddhist Teaching

That virtue which requires to be ever guarded is scarce worth the sentinel.
—Oliver Goldsmith (Irish Author)

If the course of human affairs be considered, it will be seen that many things arise against which heaven does not allow us to guard.
—Niccolo Machiavelli (Florentine Political Philosopher)

To imagine the unimaginable is the highest use of the imagination.
—Cynthia Ozick

The sage never tries to store things up. The more he does for others, the more he has. The more he gives to others, the greater his abundance.
—Laozi (Chinese Philosopher)

By education I mean that training in excellence from youth upward which makes a man passionately desire to be a perfect citizen, and teaches him to rule, and to obey, with justice. This is the only education which deserves the name.
—Plato (Ancient Greek Philosopher)

Life is eating us up. We shall be fables presently. Keep cool: It will all be one a hundred years hence.
—Ralph Waldo Emerson (American Philosopher)

We cannot remember too often that when we observe nature, and especially the ordering of nature, it is always ourselves alone we are observing.
—Georg Christoph Lichtenberg (German Scientist)

The best intelligence test is what we do with our leisure.
—Laurence J. Peter (Canadian-born American Educator)

What we need most, is not so much to realize the ideal as to idealize the real.
—Frederic Henry Hedge

Virtuous and vicious everyone must be; few in extremes, but all in degree.
—Alexander Pope (English Poet)

The heart of a mother is a deep abyss at the bottom of which you will always find forgiveness.
—Honore de Balzac (French Novelist)

Filed Under: Inspirational Quotations

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About: Nagesh Belludi [hire] is a St. Petersburg, Florida-based freethinker, investor, and leadership coach. He specializes in helping executives and companies ensure that the overall quality of their decision-making benefits isn’t compromised by a lack of a big-picture understanding.

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