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A Key to Changing Your Perfectionist Mindset

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It’s okay to have some clutter and untidiness occasionally.

Sometimes, look away when the kids scatter crumbs or toys are strewn all over the house. Instead of spending an afternoon swiffering, vacuuming, scrubbing, and polishing, just play with your kids.

Let yourself off for not getting all the chores done or keeping a flawlessly curated, Instagramable home. If you have guests coming over, stop agonizing and embrace a tidy-enough household. No need to live for your dinner guests—your home doesn’t always have to look the way you want.

Idea for Impact: Train yourself to care less. Yeah, really.

Perfectionism is a wicked way to live life. Look for ways to reach your goals without being perfect.

Setting unrealistic expectations only makes you vulnerable to emotional difficulties. That’s what perfectionism does. Perfection is holding yourself to a paradigm wherein anything less than “perfect” is, in one way or another, failure.

Think about how much more productive you could be if you stop carrying the weight of excessive expectations on your shoulders.

Wondering what to read next?

  1. In Imperfection, the True Magic of the Holidays Shines
  2. The Liberating Power of Embracing a Cluttered Space
  3. Thinking Straight in the Age of Overload // Book Summary of Daniel Levitin’s ‘The Organized Mind’
  4. Dear Hoarder, Learn to Let Go
  5. Change Your Perfectionist Mindset (And Be Happier!) This Holiday Season

Why is Task-Planning so Time-Consuming?

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Planning, which saves time, itself can take quite a bit of time. It’s an interesting quasi-paradox that I’m sure you’ve run into.

That planning is long-drawn-out is one of the main criticisms of even the supposedly solid task-management systems out there. Take David Allen’s Getting Things Done approach, for example. Achieving the system’s potential fully is simply overwhelming. Allen’s method focuses more on the capturing, reviewing, and planning of tasks than it does on the actual doing them.

The key to time management is awareness. Think realistically about your time by recognizing it is a limited resource. Always ask yourself, even when you’re planning your time out, “Is this time-effective?”

Don’t over-organize your list. Don’t spend too much time making it look nice. Don’t feel like you need to do everything on your list. Don’t put anything on your list when you’d be wiser to just do the task now and save the time it takes to put it on your list and think about it again later.

Idea for Impact: Refine your planning approach further. Remember, the benefits of any tool must exceed its costs.

Wondering what to read next?

  1. A Key to Changing Your Perfectionist Mindset
  2. In Imperfection, the True Magic of the Holidays Shines
  3. Everything in Life Has an Opportunity Cost
  4. Change Your Perfectionist Mindset (And Be Happier!) This Holiday Season
  5. Busyness is a Lack of Priorities

Real Ways to Make Habits Stick

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Want to make a new habit stick? Try piggybacking or ‘stacking’ it to an existing one.

Choose something you have no problem motivating yourself to do—say, brushing your teeth—then combine it with some habit you want to acquire. The existing pattern serves as the prompt for the new habit.

Most people have robust morning and evening routines; try stacking new habits into those practices. For example, if you want to do some mindfulness meditation every day, do it after brushing your teeth in the morning. Your wake-up routine becomes the cue to build a new meditation habit.

Better yet, associate the habit you want to achieve with a ‘temptation’ (something you love doing,) like sipping your morning cuppa joe. Your habit stacking plan may look like this: “After I meditate for ten minutes, I will have my coffee.” This way, the habit will become more attractive to you, making it more likely to stick.

Idea for Impact: Good habits build automatically when you don’t have to consciously think about doing them. Look for patterns in your day and think about how to use existing habits to create new, positive ones. Stacking habits can encourage you to remember, repeat, and, therefore, maintain a series of behaviors. Set yourself up for success.

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  4. Don’t Try to ‘Make Up’ for a Missed Workout, Here’s Why
  5. Conquer That Initial Friction

The #1 Hack to Build Healthy Habits in the New Year

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Even the more determined souls among us find that New Year’s resolutions aren’t effective.

Some of us don’t even bother making New Year’s resolutions anymore because we always break them. Mark Twain famously wrote in a letter to the Virginia City Territorial Enterprise in January 1863,

New Year’s Day: now is the accepted time to make your regular annual good resolutions. Next week you can begin paving hell with them as usual … New Year’s is a harmless annual institution, of no particular use to anybody save as a scapegoat for promiscuous drunks, and friendly calls, and humbug resolutions.

When we try to change everything at once, we set ourselves up for failure

We make bold resolutions to start exercising or losing weight, for example, without taking the steps needed to set ourselves up for success. Behavioral scientists who study habit formation argue that most people try to create healthy habits in the wrong way. Starting a new routine isn’t always easy.

Stanford University researcher B. J. Fogg, the author of Tiny Habits: The Small Changes That Change Everything (2019,) notes that jumping cold turkey into new beginnings upon the turn of the calendar demands a high level of motivation that can’t be sustained over time. He recommends starting with tiny habits to help make the new habit as easy and achievable as possible in the beginning.

Small Measures, Large Results

Small, specific goals are amazingly effective. Making a New Year’s resolution to “run a marathon this summer” is an imposing aspiration to get started on, but committing to “run two miles in 30 minutes thrice a week in January” is a first operating objective.

Break any big challenge into simple steps and just focus on getting to the first step. Taking a daily short stroll could be the beginning of an exercise habit. Then, regroup and think about step two.

The truth is, if you invest time and have even a little bit of success in any endeavor, you’re both more likely to believe the changes will last and commit more. Success builds momentum.

Idea for Impact: Good habits happen when we set ourselves up for achievable success.

Bold promises and vague goals don’t work well. Neither does beating up on yourself for lapses.

Make New Year’s resolutions by establishing long-term targets and making many small resolutions all year round. If you want to lose weight, resolve to pass up nacho-and-cheese and soda for a month.

Take one baby step at a time. Expect some setbacks. The willpower necessary will be small. And you’ll get better results that’ll actually stick.

Wondering what to read next?

  1. Small Steps, Big Revolutions: The Kaizen Way // Summary of Robert Maurer’s ‘One Small Step Can Change Your Life’
  2. Use This Trick to Make Daily Habits Stick This Year
  3. Half-Size Your Goals
  4. Don’t Try to ‘Make Up’ for a Missed Workout, Here’s Why
  5. Just Start with ONE THING

Our 10 Most Popular Articles of 2021

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Here are our most popular exclusive features of 2021. Pass this on to your friends; if they like these, they can sign up to receive our RSS feeds or email updates.

And here are some articles of yesteryear that continue to be popular:

We wish you all a healthy and prosperous 2022!

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Top Books I Read in 2021 & Recommend

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  • Eric Weiner’s The Socrates Express: In Search of Life Lessons from Dead Philosophers (2020) is a distillation of the teachings of 14 great philosophers. The insights resonate with a fresh vibrancy for our problems today.
  • Daniel Kahneman’s Thinking, Fast and Slow (2011) will open your eyes to the quirky and error-prone ways in which you can be influenced in ways you don’t suspect. A showcase of the innate biases of the mind and unthinking approaches to decision-making.
  • Jeff Immelt’s Hot Seat: What I Learned Leading a Great American Company (2021) is the former General Electric CEO’s narrative of the collapse of the once-mighty company. Immelt owns up his many mistakes with a certain self-awareness and offers a then-in-time rationale for his significant decisions.
  • Greg Chapman’s The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate (1992) elaborates the notion that people express love differently, and people feel loved in different ways. It’s a convenient formulation, and it’s simple and relatable.
  • Clayton M. Christensen’s How Will You Measure Your Life (2012) is an entreaty to applying the principles of management business to our personal lives. Christensen’s reflections on pursuing fulfillment and standing up for your beliefs chord with many.

See also my book recommendations from 2020, 2019, 2018, 2017, 2016, 2015, and 2014.

The five books I reread every year are Benjamin Graham’s Security Analysis and The Intelligent Investor, Phil Fisher’s Common Stocks and Uncommon Profits, Dale Carnegie’s How to Win Friends and Influence People, and Peter Drucker’s The Effective Executive.

You may be interested in my article on how to process that pile of books you can’t seem to finish and my article on how to read faster and better.

I wish you enlightening reads in 2022. Recall the words of the American philosopher Mortimer J. Adler, who said, “In the case of good books, the point is not to see how many of them you can get through, but rather how many can get through to you.”

Wondering what to read next?

  1. How to Read Faster and Better
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  4. Books I Read in 2017 & Recommend
  5. A Guide to Intelligent Reading // Book Summary of Mortimer Adler’s ‘How to Read a Book’

Don’t Over-Measure and Under-Prioritize

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There’s a difference between what you can measure and what you must prioritize.

If you let the data drive the process, you’ll end up with an abundance of metrics that you don’t really know what to do with. Don’t build metrics based on what is easy to measure instead of measuring what matters.

While you might want to track many metrics, you need to prioritize a few of them—just the ones that matter most for your team. Start with strategic goals, and frame the data collection and analysis around those goals. Be clear about these goals in your internal communications.

Idea for Impact: The more you measure, the less prioritized you can be. Don’t fall into the trap of trying to measure everything. Focus on developing reliable metrics and models that consistently link the data to your team’s performance. Measure what matters.

Wondering what to read next?

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  5. Be Careful What You Count: The Perils of Measuring the Wrong Thing

An Underappreciated Way to Improve Team Dynamic

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Reverse mentoring (the youngest and brightest teaching the oldest and experienced) has obvious symbiotic benefits for the mentor and mentee. The approach can also stimulate compelling results for the core organization and help mobilize nontraditional teams.

Reverse mentoring flips the hierarchy. It helps senior employees avoid the “ivory tower syndrome,” which happens when they become so out of touch that they can no longer relate to the juniors’ day-to-day struggles. The fresh perspectives on how the young think and work can benefit their more established colleagues.

Reverse mentoring builds up the junior employees’ sense of belonging. When included in the decision-making process, they’re comfortable expressing their views.

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  5. Don’t Lead a Dysfunctional Team

How Emotional Resilience Improves with Age

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Studies of social and emotional aging have consistently shown that we tend to enjoy a better sense of emotional well-being as we grow older—starting from our late 50s.

The brain slows down, and memory deteriorates with age, so we process information slower. We get better at regulating the instinct to enact annoyance and anger.

As we get older, we tend to have a positive bias. We stop sweating the small stuff, pick our battles wisely, and find it easier to let go of situations we experience as unfavorable, especially with friends and family.

The lessons these studies bear for us all: organize your life’s physical and social aspects to reduce unnecessary stressors. Happiness is indeed a result, not a cause.

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  4. This Trick Can Relieve Your Anxiety: “What’s the worst that can happen?”
  5. This May Be the Most Potent Cure for Melancholy

Focus on Rituals, Not Goals

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My biggest takeaway from James Clear’s Atomic Habits: An Easy & Proven Way to Build Good Habits & Break Bad Ones (2018) is the importance of shifting your focus from your end goal to what your need to do regularly to reach that goal.

Though goals can provide orientation and motivation, Clear notes that committing to the system makes all the difference. Goals aren’t necessarily the best way to ensure things are done. Thinking about only goals tends to make people believe, “I’m not good enough yet, but I will be when I reach my goal.” This impedes their long-term progress.

Instead, Clear recommends centering on the routines and things you need to do regularly to reach the goal. For example: If you’re a swim team coach, and your goal is to win a championship, the system that you should focus on is training every day, “You should be far more concerned with your current trajectory than with your current results.”

Idea for Impact: A systems-first mentality beats a goal-oriented mindset. “Fall in love with the process rather than the product.”

Wondering what to read next?

  1. Why You Should Celebrate Small Wins
  2. Real Ways to Make Habits Stick
  3. Don’t Try to ‘Make Up’ for a Missed Workout, Here’s Why
  4. Do You Really Need More Willpower?
  5. Use This Trick to Make Daily Habits Stick This Year