Sharpening Your Skills

Why People Get Happier as They Age

January 23, 2021 By Nagesh Belludi 1 Comment

Studies have pointed out that most people get happier as they grow older. In fact, across any cultural, economic, and social spectrum, the most content cohort tends to be seniors.

Older people find happiness in “ordinary” things.

Older people start taking stock of their blessings. They’ve concluded that life is short. Amid the anxieties about ill health, income and savings, changes in social status, and bereavements, they tend to make the best of the time they have left.

People in later life learn to avoid situations that make them feel sad or stressed. They have relationships that are more meaningful. They’ve also had more time to learn and read others’ intentions, which helps them avoid stressful situations and develop better solutions to conflict. They’re less likely to experience persistent negative moods.

In short, older people have a better sense of perspective on life, and they take things in stride. Moreover, they’re better able to control their emotions.

Idea for Impact: Don’t wait until later life for a positive experience.

If there’s one thing the older folks can show us best, happiness is a function of expectations. Older people adjust their expectations of life. They have lower aspirations, and they learn to find satisfaction in tiny triumphs.

What elements of that mindset could you integrate into your life now? Could you live more in the present tense, not grasping at some future happiness jackpot?

How to Banish Your Inner Perfectionist

January 21, 2021 By Nagesh Belludi Leave a Comment

How to Banish Your Inner Perfectionist

You have an enemy: a feisty, malign force working against you. It’s the internalized perfectionist. It’s the stream of subversive self-talk urging indecision, doubt, and fear.

The #1 hack to overcoming you perfectionist tendency is to accept that whatever you need to work on just needs to be an outline, first attempt, rough copy, version 0. It needn’t be perfect. You just need to get it to a little bit better shape than before. You can then consider the next baby step.

Idea for Impact: Many things in your life need not be done perfectly. They’re to be done … just done … done to spur more done … not to dwell to perfection.

Your goal now is not to be like a Picasso, Mozart, Steven King, Lebron James, Warren Buffett, or some superstar. All you have to do now is create, edit, fix, or process and get whatever it is you’re working on to the next milestone. Make this a rule.

Don’t Be as Sad as Saddam // Summary of William McRaven’s ‘Make Your Bed’

January 19, 2021 By Nagesh Belludi Leave a Comment

Admiral William McRaven’s best-selling Make Your Bed: Little Things That Can Change Your Life … And Maybe the World (2017) is one of those enormously successful inspirational books derived from the author’s one famous speech, in this case his 2014 commencement address at the University of Texas-Austin.

McRaven is a retired Navy SEAL. He was the head of the special ops team that killed Osama bin Laden. His book’s central message is exactly what the title proposes—it’s easy to find excuses in our lives. Simple habits, self-discipline, and a large dose of effort can be a framework for personal success and lay the foundations for changing others’ lives.

You need an anchor point for your day, and sometimes that anchor is as a simple as making your bed … If you make your bed every morning, you will have accomplished the first task of the day. It will give you a small sense of pride, and it will encourage you to do another task, and another, and another. And by the end of the day, that one task completed will have turned into many tasks completed.

Once you start your day with a completed task, you feel accomplished, and you feel motivated to keep performing things. Making your bed is thus a reflection of your discipline, your pride, and your habits. And if you’ve had a bad day, you can come at least home to a made bed and put your feet up.

Admiral William H. McRaven's University of Texas at Austin 2014 Commencement Address

If, instead, you succumb to indifference, you’ll likely carry around the same state of mind for the rest of the day. Making your bed and tidying up sets up the intention and the tone for the rest of the day.

The rest of Make Your Bed is the staple of graduation speeches—personal anecdotes that abruptly end with lessons on initiative, risk-taking, perseverance, hardship, courage. For instance, there’s a chapter on hostage negotiation that tersely ends with, “Life is a struggle … without pushing your limits… you will never know what is truly possible in your life.”

Recommendation: Quick-read Make Your Bed, especially the first chapter. And listen to the University of Texas-Austin commencement address—McRaven’s spoken voice is more uplifting.

With all due respect, beyond the intrigue of McRaven’s rigorous training and stellar experience in the armed forces, Make Your Bed makes a recurring assertion that failure to make one’s bed suggests not mere apathy but some terminal moral decay. For instance, “[Saddam Hussein did not make his bed.] … The road to hell may or may not be paved with good intentions, but the one that leads invariably to illegally annexing Kuwaiti oil fields and gassing thousands of your own people begins with a messy bed.” McRaven’s underlying message might as well be “don’t be as bad and sad as Saddam, just make your bed.”

How to Own Your Future

January 14, 2021 By Nagesh Belludi Leave a Comment

Self Directed Learning: How to Own Your Future Work seems to be shifting faster than ever. The New York Times columnist Thomas Friedman provides a particularly emblematic example of the profound changes in the way people work and the way organizations design jobs and work environments:

Work is being disconnected from jobs, and jobs and work are being disconnected from companies, which are increasingly becoming platforms. A great example of this is what’s ha ppening in the cab business. Traditional local cab companies own cars and have employees who have a job; they drive those cars. But, now they’re competing with Uber, which owns no cars, has no employees, and just provides a platform of work that brings together ride-needers and ride-providers.

Adaptivity via Self-Directed Learning

Dramatic economic, social, and technological changes necessitate professionals at all levels to be almost continuously trained and re-trained just to keep abreast of all facets of working life.

The career implication of this continuous transformation is the increasing need for ongoing learning. You’ll have to equip yourself to stay ahead of changes. In other words, you’ll need a growth mindset to learn, apply, reorient, and keep learning.

More Will Be Now on You

You’ll need to be self-directed. You’ll need to take the initiative and responsibility for the learning process. You’ll need to recognize training needs and choose how you’ll meet these needs rather than rely on your organization to tell you what to learn and how to do it. The smarter organizations out there are enabling and promoting individual choice and self-directed and self-determined learning.

What will set successful professionals apart in the future is that they take responsibility for their continuous learning. They proactively explore what they may be interested in and what the future will demand instead of indifferently waiting for options to present themselves.

Idea for Impact: Own Your Learning

Set your sights on a long career with multiple stages, each involving ongoing training and re-skilling. If you want to achieve career greatness, you will likely find your current skill sets obsolete in less than five years without self-directed learning.

Develop a growth mindset that’ll help you grow, expand, evolve, and change.

This New Year, Forget Resolutions, Set Intentions Instead

January 4, 2021 By Nagesh Belludi Leave a Comment

New Year Intentions, Not Resolutions I think resolutions set you up for failure because they’re usually daunting, and they don’t give you a plan for how to realize what you want to achieve. More to the point, you underestimate how long it’ll take you to kick a bad habit or adopt a good one.

On the other hand, intentions propose paths forward—they can keep you accountable in the process.

Intentions dig into the WHY

Change is hard—change requires real commitment, planning, and follow-through. Intentions help by grounding you to what you can commit to today and tomorrow. Intentions will remind you of the kind of person you want to be and the kind of life you want to live.

Intentions don’t demand perfection, and intentions leave some room for error. Intentions will help you commit yourself and not fill you with guilt and shame if you fall off the wagon for a short period. With intentions, you can anticipate lapses and plan for them.

Setting intentions and then taking action becomes an exciting path of self-discovery rather than a guilt-trap set up with broken resolutions.

Idea for Impact: Set Intentions Instead of Yearly Resolutions

Put less pressure on yourself and set yourself up for success by making regular daily, weekly, and monthly intentions. Once you set the intention, focus on getting to the first step. Then, regroup and think about step two. This way, you target short-term achievable results, and the intention orients you.

Don’t make intentions for the entire year. It’s just hard to keep up with something and stay excited about it year-round.

Our 10 Most Popular Articles of 2020

December 30, 2020 By Nagesh Belludi Leave a Comment

Top Blog Articles of 2020 Here are our most popular exclusive features of 2020. Pass this on to your friends; if they like these, they can sign up to receive our RSS feeds or email updates.

A Quick Way to De-stress. Whenever you feel frenzied, meditation can help you focus inward, pull together your scattered energies, and allow your mind to become calm.
Don’t Beat Yourself Up Over Your Mistakes. Don’t agonize about what other people are thinking about you. They’re perhaps busy worrying over what you’re thinking about them.
Better than Brainstorming for Rapid Idea Generation. Studies have shown that people think of more new—and practical—ideas on their own than they do in a group.
Don’t Let Small Decisions Destroy Your Productivity. Good routines can protect you from your more effective negative impulses and bring order and predictability to your life.
Never Outsource a Key Capability. By owning the entire customer experience, Domino Pizza has provided a consistent experience for customers and iterate quickly.
When You Talk About Too Many Goals. When it comes to persuasion, clarity and conciseness are critical.
Best to Cut Your Losses Early. Best to cut your losses early—you’ll have the least sunk costs and the fewest emotional attachments.
What Went Wrong on the Boeing 737 MAX. When you devise a highly reliable system, identify all single points of failure, and investigate how risks and failure modes can be mitigated.
How Much Risk Can You Tolerate? Encourage careful experimentation and conscientious risk-taking by lowering the risk waterline.
The Power of Negative Thinking. The Stoic practice of premeditatio malorum helps intentionally visualize the worst-case scenario in your mind’s eye and tame your anxiety.

And here are some articles of yesteryear that continue to be popular:

We wish you all a healthy and prosperous 2021!

Books I Read in 2020 & Recommend

December 29, 2020 By Nagesh Belludi Leave a Comment

The Coronavirus lockdown and travel restrictions gave me more time for bingeing on books this year:

Leadership: Simon Sinek’s Start with Why (2009) explains that great leaders motivate with the WHY (a deep-rooted purpose) before defining the WHAT (the product or service) and the HOW (the process.) ☍My Summary
Conflict Management: Sarah Stewart Holland and Beth Silvers’ commendable I Think You’re Wrong (2019) proposes a framework for having productive conversations with those you love and yet disagree with. ☍My Summary
Self-Management: Tony Schwartz and Jim Loehr’s The Power of Full Engagement (2003) is a persuasive reminder about pivoting to time-management to energy-management. ☍My Summary
Customer Service: Joseph Michelli’s The New Gold Standard (2008) describes how the Ritz-Carlton brand has programmed its organization to foster customer-centric behavior in employees at all levels. ☍My Summary
History & Leadership: Harvard historian Serhii Plokhy’s Chernobyl: History of a Tragedy (2019) is a gripping testimony to the perils of hubris and a poignant monument to the untold misery it imposed upon swathes of people. ☍My Summary
History & Leadership: Captain Sully Sullenberger’s memoir Highest Duty (2009) as a supplement to Clint Eastwood’s Sully (2016,) the overrated drama about the US Airways Flight 1549 incident. Leading authentically starts with being in charge and understanding that your actions can make a difference. ☍My Summary
Self-Care: Susan Jeffers’s self-help classic Feel the Fear … and Do It Anyway (1987, 2006) is a powerful reminder to get on with the things you want to do. The momentum of positive emotions builds up as soon as you start taking action. ☍My Summary
Customer Service: Lee Cockerel’s The Customer Rules (2013) summarizes the many simple—but often overlooked—first principles of building a customer-oriented culture and delivering excellent customer service. ☍My Summary
Customer Service: Tony Hsieh’s Delivering Happiness (2010) on how Zappos’s business model empowers employees, creates a sense of community, and fosters cult-like customer loyalty. Sadly, Hsieh died in an accident in November. ☍My Summary
History: Mark Binelli’s The Last Days of Detroit (2013) is an extensive chronicle of Detroit from the initial days of the French settlers to Henry Ford’s arrival in 1913, the racial unrest in 1967, and the present-day hipster arrivistes who’re trying to resurrect the city. ☍My Summary
Self-Care: Food historian Bee Wilson’s First Bite: How We Learn to Eat (2015) on why you eat what you eat and how you can be persuaded to eat better by changing your habits and removing barriers to change. ☍My Summary
History: Israeli historian Yuval Noah Harari’s A Brief History of Humankind (2015) is a brilliant thesis on who we are and how we overcame the most extraordinary odds to dominate the world the way we do at present. ☍My Summary
Self-Care: Buddhist nun Pema Chödrön’s bestselling The Wisdom of No Escape and the Path of Loving-Kindness (1991) is a poignant reminder that, whatever the circumstances of your life, you can become awake, more mindful, and bring your goodness to the world. ☍My Summary
History & Leadership: Historian Doris Kearns Goodwin’s Team of Rivals (2005) is a fascinating account of how President Abraham Lincoln held the Union together through the Civil War, partially by bringing his political rivals into his cabinet and persuading them to work together. Complement with Steven Spielberg’s remarkable Lincoln (2012; Daniel Day-Lewis’s masterful portrayal of Lincoln.) ☍My Summary
Self-Management: Brian Tracy’s Eat That Frog (2001) is a reminder that you must discover the one momentous task—the most dreaded task or the “frog”—that you need to do. ☍My Summary
Leadership: Larry Bossidy and Ram Charan’s Execution: The Discipline of Getting Things Done (2002) on setting expectations, holding people accountable, and following through. ☍My Summary
Leadership: Mel Robbins’s The 5 Second Rule (2017) reminds you to take action before your brain can make excuses—or justifications—and gets in the way of acting on that idea. ☍My Summary
Inspiration: Oprah Winfrey’s The Path Made Clear (2019) is a fine-looking coffee table book with an assortment of think-positive sound bites. ☍My Summary
Leadership: Wall Street Journal reporters Thomas Gryta and Ted Mann’s Lights Out: Pride, Delusion, and the Fall of General Electric (2020) is a revealing, reasonable, and accessible narrative of how the once-prolific company was humbled by sheer misfortune and poor leadership. ☍My Summary

See also my book recommendations from 2019, 2018, 2017, 2016, 2015, and 2014.

My reading goals for 2021 are to be ruthless with the books that are not so good and to reread many books that have delighted me previously. The five books I reread every year are Benjamin Graham’s Security Analysis and The Intelligent Investor, Phil Fisher’s Common Stocks and Uncommon Profits, Dale Carnegie’s How to Win Friends and Influence People, and Peter Drucker’s The Effective Executive.

You may be interested in my article on how to process that pile of books you can’t seem to finish and my article on how to read faster and better.

I wish you enlightening reads in 2021. Recall the words of the American philosopher Mortimer J. Adler, who said, “In the case of good books, the point is not to see how many of them you can get through, but rather how many can get through to you.”

Plan Tomorrow, Plus Two

December 21, 2020 By Nagesh Belludi Leave a Comment

At the end of each day (or first thing in the morning,) plan tomorrow and the next two days.

Review your commitments and write out the full list of what you want to accomplish over the three days. Outline the first day more thoroughly than the other two.

Plan Tomorrow, Plus Two - Three-day Planning Horizon

This act of writing down what needs to get done helps you feel less anxious—tasks seem smaller on paper than in your head. According to the Zeigarnik Effect, just the simple act of recording a task in a plan relieves the mental stress attributable to unresolved and interrupted tasks.

Having a three-day horizon allows you to be flexible.

You’ll know where your “wiggle room” is, so interruptions don’t invade your day. You can move your priority tasks around should the circumstances change. You can set apart emergencies from non-emergencies that can be addressed later.
When you have a lot on your plate, or something is taking longer than you planned, you can defer what’s avoidable today and move tasks around.

At the end of each day, rewrite your three-day roadmap. Reconsider how each task aligns with the current priorities and spread them over the next three days.

Idea for Impact: Plan tomorrow, plus two. You’ll have a clearer insight of the immediate future—and you’ll be better prepared to attend to those inevitable unforeseen demands for your time.

Couldn’t We Use a Little More Civility and Respect in Our Conversations?

December 9, 2020 By Nagesh Belludi Leave a Comment

The New York Times recently had an article about a Smith College-class that addresses America’s burgeoning addiction to contempt.

The power of mindful conversation to change minds

The lecturer, reproductive justice-activist Loretta J. Ross, is highlighting the ills of call-out culture. Her class challenges the proclivity to persecute every presumed infringement against morality and represent the victim as somebody intolerable to decent society.

Ross doesn’t believe people should be publicly shamed for accidentally misgendering a classmate, for sending a stupid tweet they now regret; or for, say, admitting they once liked a piece of pop culture now viewed in a different light, such as “The Cosby Show.”

What I’m really impatient with is calling people out for something they said when they were a teenager when they’re now 55. I mean, we all at some point did some unbelievably stupid stuff as teenagers, right?

Call-out culture has taken conversations that could have once been learning opportunities and turned them into mud wrestling. “It really does alienate people, and makes them fearful of speaking up.”

The antidote to that outrage cycle, Professor Ross believes, is “calling in.” Calling in is like calling out, but done privately and with respect. “It’s a call out done with love,” she said. That may mean simply sending someone a private message, or even ringing them on the telephone to discuss the matter, or simply taking a breath before commenting, screen-shotting or demanding one “do better” without explaining how.

Calling out assumes the worst. Calling in involves conversation, compassion and context. It doesn’t mean a person should ignore harm, slight or damage, but nor should she, he or they exaggerate it. “Every time somebody disagrees with me it’s not ‘verbal violence.'”

Debate the issues, Avoid gratuitous name-calling

The recent election has underscored that we continue to be a deeply divided nation. Americans are ever more passionate about their beliefs and committed to their causes. Ideological affiliation is increasingly a matter of tribal identity. Presenting facts can sometimes backfire. In the narrow-minded pursuit of “goodness,” our society has manifested a disgraceful habit of dismissing people with differing attitudes as less than human, “deplorable,” and not worth consideration.

Differences of opinion are natural and healthy facets of any community. The various issues that we face are complicated, affecting different people in different ways. We must be able to express and accept our differences with civility.

Listen to the other in interpersonal confrontations. Put yourself in the other’s shoes and mull over a perspective you hadn’t considered previously. There may be a well-founded concern that you weren’t aware of, and you could soften your position and, perhaps, lead you to different conclusions.
Don’t approach debates as “take no prisoners” battles. Build bridges with your ideological opponents. If you never earnestly consider others’ opinions, your mind will shrink and become its own little echo chamber.

Idea for Impact: You can’t change minds by damning your opponents

Be civil and respectful of others’ views. As President Obama has reminded, the world is “messy” and full of “ambiguities,” and “if all you’re doing is casting stones, you’re probably not going to get that far.”

Before trying to change others’ minds, consider how difficult it is to change your own.

A Bit of Insecurity Can Help You Be Your Best Self

December 3, 2020 By Nagesh Belludi 1 Comment

Self-confidence, so often peddled by the self-help genre as the panacea for low achievement, can indeed cause it. Beyond a moderate amount, self-confidence is destined to encourage complacency—even conceit. You’ll never reach anything better with that attitude.

Paradoxically, conceding your insecurities—and having a certain amount of humility about your capabilities—-is usually to your advantage.

Deep down, some of history’s greatest icons—from Abraham Lincoln to Mahatma Gandhi—regularly worried that they weren’t good enough. That’s what kept them striving harder.

A Bit of Insecurity Can Help You Be Your Best Self Face up to your self-judgment. Low self-esteem is present only when your self-appraisal is more acute than reality.

Channel that nagging voice in your head that keeps saying negative things about you. Don’t be self-defeatingly vulnerable. Don’t worry yourself into perfection, anxiety, or despair.

Engage that little “sweet spot” of insecurity to motivate yourself to exert the additional effort required to seek a better self. For example, ignore anyone who tries to calm your nerves by telling you to “just be yourself” or “who else could be better suited” before a job interview.

Idea for Impact: Satisfaction can be deadly. Lasting self-confidence derives from your ongoing effort, not by virtue.

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Sharpening Your Skills

Older people find happiness in “ordinary” things.

Idea for Impact: Don’t wait until later life for a positive experience.

Wondering what to read next?

Wondering what to read next?

Wondering what to read next?

Adaptivity via Self-Directed Learning

More Will Be Now on You

Idea for Impact: Own Your Learning

Wondering what to read next?

Intentions dig into the WHY

Idea for Impact: Set Intentions Instead of Yearly Resolutions

Wondering what to read next?

Wondering what to read next?

Wondering what to read next?

Wondering what to read next?

The power of mindful conversation to change minds

Debate the issues, Avoid gratuitous name-calling

Idea for Impact: You can’t change minds by damning your opponents

Wondering what to read next?

Wondering what to read next?