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Sharpening Your Skills

How to … Strengthen The ‘Asking Muscle’

August 23, 2023 By Nagesh Belludi Leave a Comment

Many people are afraid to ask—even negotiate—for what they want. Just because you ask for something doesn’t mean you’ll get it, but you must keep trying. In the same way that your body’s muscles need regular exercise to stay strong and flexible, the voices in your head do too. The more you practice asking (rehearse with a friend if needed,) the more comfortable it becomes.

Idea for Impact: Don’t wait for good things, as you may have been taught. Ask for what you want. With each triumph, you’ll gain confidence; with each disappointment, you’ll learn something. You’ll overcome the dread of asking for too much. You’ll conquer the fear of rejection or reprisal. Besides, you’ll be less deprived of what you’re reasonably entitled to.

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Filed Under: Effective Communication, Sharpening Your Skills Tagged With: Assertiveness, Confidence, Fear, Motivation, Negotiation, Persuasion, Procrastination

How to Speak Up in Meetings and Disagree Tactfully

August 22, 2023 By Nagesh Belludi Leave a Comment

If you find it challenging to speak up in meetings, especially when disagreeing, here’s a helpful framework:

  1. Restate the objective, even if it seems obvious: “Let’s clarify what we aim to achieve here…” This restatement sharpens the focus on the purpose.
  2. Paraphrase someone’s point: “So, if I understand correctly, you’re suggesting…”
  3. Express your concerns or alternative perspective: “I have concerns because…” or “While I see your point, how would we address…”
  4. Be the last to contribute: Your silence piques curiosity and makes your statement more impactful. Incorporate the best ideas expressed and avoid obvious mistakes.

Following this approach, you can tactfully express your thoughts with the right tone and words while seeking common ground.

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Filed Under: Effective Communication, Managing People, Sharpening Your Skills Tagged With: Anger, Conflict, Conversations, Getting Along, Meetings, Mindfulness, Relationships, Social Skills

Avoid Trigger Words: Own Your Words with Grace and Care

August 3, 2023 By Nagesh Belludi Leave a Comment

Using phrases like “you should,” “you never,” and “you’re supposed to” can immediately put the other person on the defensive.

  • When making statements, it’s better to begin with “I feel” or “I’d like.” By using “I” statements, nobody can argue with the fact that you feel a certain way.
  • Take responsibility for your words. Instead of protesting with phrases like “Don’t be late as usual,” which only reinforce complaints, try inviting positive change by saying, “It would be helpful for me if you could arrive early tonight, maybe by six.”
  • Saying “I don’t care” or “You choose” might not make you seem pleasant and agreeable. The other person may resent being forced to make decisions on your behalf.
  • Phrases like “I hate to be a pain, but…” or “I could be wrong, but…” undermine your request before you even make it.
  • Saying “I know” can make you appear irritating, self-important, or unreceptive. Instead, using “You’re right” doesn’t belittle something the other person may have just realized. “Yes, that’s on my mind!” acknowledges the other person’s reminder.
  • If someone apologizes anxiously, don’t say, “Stop saying sorry.” Instead, saying, “You have nothing to apologize for,” is more reassuring and won’t make the other person feel awkward.

Idea for Impact: Using direct and concise language strengthens the message and clarifies your needs. Be mindful of language that may unintentionally cause offense, distress, or discomfort to others. Prioritizing empathy and open-mindedness can contribute to maintaining respectful and inclusive conversations.

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Filed Under: Effective Communication, Managing People, Sharpening Your Skills Tagged With: Assertiveness, Conversations, Etiquette, Getting Along, Humility, Likeability, Listening, Social Life, Social Skills

External Blame is the Best Defense of the Insecure

July 31, 2023 By Nagesh Belludi Leave a Comment

In the realm of excuses, accountability tends to retreat while blame takes center stage. You find yourself playing the “blame game,” swiftly shifting responsibility onto external factors to protect your ego.

When faced with challenges, it’s natural to become defensive and deflect responsibility onto your boss, a vendor, the weather, working conditions, a partner, economic downturns, or anything but yourself. However, this negative energy worsens the situation and weakens your self-perception.

Beneath the surface, though, lies a truth: externalizing blame always hinders real growth and progress. So, the next time you catch yourself falling into the trap of feeling like a prisoner of circumstances, making excuses, or pointing fingers at others, take a moment to pause and ask yourself, “What could I have done to prevent this problem?” and “What lessons can we derive from this situation?”

Idea for Impact: Assuming responsibility is a testament to your strength. It displays courage, even if it may not feel that way. Only the resilient can truly accept blame. When we externalize blame, we give up control and surrender our power to heal and improve ourselves. On the other hand, embracing accountability has numerous benefits: it strengthens relationships, enhances credibility, fosters happiness within yourself and others, promotes transparency, boosts self-esteem, facilitates learning, and ultimately helps resolve problems. Choose accountability over blame and pave the way for personal growth and success.

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Filed Under: Living the Good Life, Sharpening Your Skills Tagged With: Adversity, Anger, Emotions, Mindfulness, Resilience, Success, Wisdom

“Are We Fixing, Whinging, or Distracting?”

July 24, 2023 By Nagesh Belludi Leave a Comment

When a friend is upset and seeks your support, it’s essential to ask them a simple question once it’s appropriate: “Do you want to talk about it? Do you want to get your mind off it and distract yourself, or are you expecting me to give you some suggestions to help you out?”

Asking, “Are we fixing, whinging, or distracting?” can be incredibly beneficial for an upset friend. I use it often, and people respond positively to it. This question establishes boundaries and fosters trust, allowing you to be there for them the way they need.

Sometimes, people simply need to vent. Begin by providing comfort and then follow up with, “Do you want advice, or do you want me just to listen?”

It’s crucial to validate the other person’s feelings and experiences. Even if you believe there’s an easy fix, prioritize acknowledging their emotions. Let them be heard and empathize with them. Validating their emotions is truly significant. Simple statements like “Yeah, that IS terrible,” “That does suck,” “I can definitely see why you’re angry,” or “You have a right to be frustrated” can work wonders in offering solace and emotional support during challenging moments.

At times, staying quiet is what’s needed. It saves you from saying something unsuited to the situation. You can also say, “I am at a loss for words,” which is still validating. It shows that you consider the issue as crucial as they do and are also genuinely stumped by it.

However, on other occasions, they may need to share their experiences with someone outside of the conflict. This allows them to express their thoughts and emotions, which can be cathartic and aid in processing their experiences. If they wish to shift their focus and be distracted from what’s bothering them, talk about your own day, share something funny you came across, or engage in a fun activity together.

Idea for Impact: Don’t assume they’re seeking a solution when someone vents. Avoid offering advice right away in an attempt to steer them away from discussing it.

People often want to vent, grumble, and unload their troubles, even momentarily. Listen patiently and without reproach, offering a compassionate ear.

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  3. I Told You So
  4. Witty Comebacks and Smart Responses for Nosy People
  5. Stop Trying to Fix Things, Just Listen!

Filed Under: Effective Communication, Sharpening Your Skills Tagged With: Conversations, Etiquette, Getting Along, Likeability, Listening, Social Life, Social Skills

The Emotional Edge: Elevating Your Marketing Messaging

July 20, 2023 By Nagesh Belludi Leave a Comment

The Emotional Edge: Elevating Your Marketing Messaging

Messaging isn’t only about the product.

It isn’t solely about the problem.

It isn’t even just about the consequences of not solving that problem.

It’s about the emotional pain that you alleviate.

Good marketers highlight the benefits, value, or solutions that their product or service can offer. The best marketers often leverage emotional triggers to establish a deeper connection with consumers.

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Filed Under: Business Stories, MBA in a Nutshell, Sharpening Your Skills Tagged With: Creativity, Innovation, Marketing, Parables, Persuasion, Problem Solving

The Enron Scandal: A Lesson on Motivated Blindness

July 19, 2023 By Nagesh Belludi Leave a Comment

The fallout from the Enron fiasco had far-reaching effects on the economy and the public’s trust in corporations. It serves as a powerful lesson in the dangers of motivated blindness—when individuals have a personal stake in unethical actions, they often look the other way or find ways to rationalize their behavior.

The folks at Arthur Andersen, serving as Enron’s external auditor, found themselves in a precarious situation. On the one hand, they were supposed to ensure financial integrity, but on the other hand, they acted as consultants, aiding Enron in manipulating financial transactions to deceive investors and manipulate earnings. Enron generously poured hefty fees their way, with auditing fees exceeding $25 million and consulting fees reaching $27 million in 2001. So, why would they want to put an end to this lucrative gravy train? To complicate matters further, many auditors from Andersen were eagerly vying for coveted positions at Enron, just like their fortunate colleagues.

To combat motivated blindness, it’s crucial to reflect on our biases, hold ourselves accountable, and actively seek out diverse perspectives to gain a broader understanding of any given issue. Max Bazerman, a professor at Harvard Business School and author of The Power of Noticing: What the Best Leaders See (2014,) asserts that individuals can overcome their inclination to overlook vital clues by fostering a “noticing mindset.” This involves consistently asking oneself and others, both within and outside the organization, the question: “Which critical threats and challenges might we be neglecting?”

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Filed Under: Business Stories, Leadership, Mental Models, Sharpening Your Skills Tagged With: Discipline, Ethics, Getting Along, Integrity, Leadership, Motivation, Psychology, Risk

Beware of the Leadership Trap: Losing Moral Bearings

July 18, 2023 By Nagesh Belludi Leave a Comment

Some leaders fall into a dangerous trap, succumbing to temptations along their paths. These leaders deviate from their ethical responsibilities and shield themselves from fair criticism, considering themselves exempt from the rules. Such behavior can stem from an inflated ego or narcissism, a lack of self-awareness, a fear of vulnerability, or an intense emotional attachment to their ideas or beliefs.

These leaders often operate within a culture of flattery, where disagreement is seen as disloyalty, and no one dares to challenge or bring attention to issues within the organization. The leader’s circle of enablers grows as time passes, making honest dialogue impossible.

Idea for Impact: Steer clear of these pitfalls by establishing a clear “inner compass”—your values and priorities that revolve around serving a purpose. Live by these values, advocate for them, and ensure they are deeply ingrained in the fabric of your team.

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Filed Under: Leadership, Mental Models, Sharpening Your Skills Tagged With: Decision-Making, Ethics, Getting Ahead, Humility, Integrity, Psychology

Under Pressure, The Narrowing Cognitive Map: Lessons from the Tragedy of Singapore Airlines Flight 6

July 10, 2023 By Nagesh Belludi Leave a Comment

Picture this: You’re parking your car when, suddenly, you catch sight of the bus you desperately need to catch pulling into the station. Acting on instinct, you swiftly navigate your car into a vacant spot, deftly gather your bags, and launch yourself towards the bus stop, driven by an unwavering determination to evade a tedious fifteen-minute wait for the next one. In the whirlwind of your frantic sprint, you absentmindedly and hastily tuck your cherished cell phone into your back pocket, oblivious that it slips out during the adrenaline-fueled pursuit of catching the bus. It’s only after another five minutes that you become aware of your cell phone’s absence, and the weight of its loss gradually descends upon you.

Isn’t it fascinating how our minds tend to close off under time pressure? This fascinating cognitive phenomenon is known as the “narrowing of the cognitive map.” It’s as if our attention becomes laser-focused, but unfortunately, that can lead us to make unfortunate errors in judgment.

When we find ourselves in the clutches of tunnel vision, our thinking becomes constrained, and we unknowingly fall into the trap of limited perspective. Not only do we become so fixated on a specific course of action that we overlook crucial details in our environment, but we also become oblivious to the subtle signals whispering, “Something’s amiss.”

Inattentional blindness, indeed. It’s a common problem in high-stress situations, and it can have serious consequences, as in the following case study of the Singapore Airlines Flight 6 crash.

Speed Stress Causes Serious Breakdowns in the Reliability of Judgment

Flight 6’s tragic case accident occurred on October 31, 2000, at Taipei’s Chiang Kai-shek International Airport. Various factors contributed to the crash, including severe weather conditions, limited visibility, inadequate airport markings, and insufficient actions taken by both the pilots and air traffic controllers.

During a scheduled stop in Taipei on its journey from Singapore to Los Angeles, Flight 6’s flight crew became aware of an approaching storm. They realized that if they delayed the takeoff, they would have to wait for the storm to pass, resulting in a lengthy 12-hour delay. This interruption would have entailed making overnight arrangements for the passengers, disrupting the crew’s schedule, and potentially impacting future flight schedules involving the aircraft and company personnel. Consequently, the crew made the decision to expedite the departure and take off before the typhoon made landfall on the island.

The Rushed Pilots Missed Clues That They Were Taking Off on a Closed Runway

Under immense time pressure, the flight crew became singularly focused on expediting their takeoff in rainy and windy conditions before the weather conditions deteriorated further. Despite being instructed to taxi to Runway 05 Left, they deviated from the assigned route and instead positioned themselves on Runway 05 Right, which was closed for takeoff due to ongoing pavement repairs.

Complicating matters, a section of Runway 05 Right was still being used as a taxiway during the construction period. The signage at the entrance of the runway did not adequately indicate the presence of a stop sign and construction equipment along the converted taxiway.

Moreover, the local air traffic controller failed to provide progressive taxi or ground movement instructions, which would have been appropriate considering the low visibility during the taxi. However, due to the crew’s heightened sense of urgency, they neglected to request step-by-step instructions for their taxi route.

Misleading Airport Markings Contributed to Pilots’ Mistaken Belief of Correct Runway Selection

In the midst of low visibility and feeling rushed, the pilots neglected crucial resources that could have guided them to the correct runway, such as runway and taxiway charts, signage, markings, and cockpit instruments. This lapse in judgment resulted in a loss of situational awareness, leading them to initiate takeoff from a runway closed for construction.

The Harsh Reality of Rushing: Examining the Aftermath of Singapore Airlines Flight 6's Closed Runway Mishap Approximately 3,300 feet down the runway, around 11:17 PM that night, the Boeing 747 collided with concrete barriers and construction equipment, resulting in the aircraft breaking apart and bursting into flames.

Tragically, 83 out of the 179 people on board lost their lives.

The crew’s loss of awareness was further compounded by the airport’s negligence in terms of maintenance and safety precautions. By failing to place mandatory construction warnings at the entrance of Runway 05 Right, they disregarded the potential risk of aircraft mistakenly attempting to take off from a partially closed runway.

The air traffic controllers also neglected to verify the aircraft’s position before granting takeoff clearances, despite the aircraft having turned onto Runway 05 Right. The airport lacked the necessary Airport Surface Detection Equipment, which could have been crucial in detecting and mitigating risks, especially given the heavy precipitation that could have hampered radar presentation at the time. In their defense, the pilots had assumed that the air traffic controllers could visually observe the aircraft, and the fact that takeoff clearance was issued just as the aircraft turned onto the taxiway gave them the impression that everything was in order.

Anxiety Leads to Attentional Tunneling and Narrowed Field of Focus

The tragedy of Singapore Airlines Flight 6 serves as a poignant case study highlighting the dangers of tunnel vision and its ability to hinder our perspective and decision-making.

Often, seemingly minor errors, when combined with time constraints and cognitive biases, can intertwine and escalate, leading to catastrophic outcomes. Even in a highly advanced cockpit and a complex system with numerous safeguards, a chain of minor errors can transform it into a deadly trap.

The human brain is naturally inclined to seek confirmation and convince itself that it completely understands the situation at hand. When faced with contradictory information, we tend to ignore it and focus solely on our preconceived notions. Furthermore, anxiety further impairs our ability to perceive the entire situation, leaving us prone to impulsive actions rather than rational responses.

It is vital to be aware of the perils of tunnel vision. It can close our eyes to the broader context and limit our capacity to consider peripheral information. This narrowed perception can have severe consequences, emphasizing the importance of maintaining a broader perspective in decision-making.

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  3. How Stress Impairs Your Problem-Solving Capabilities: Case Study of TransAsia Flight 235
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Filed Under: Business Stories, Effective Communication, Sharpening Your Skills Tagged With: Aviation, Biases, Conflict, Decision-Making, Mindfulness, Problem Solving, Risk, Stress, Worry

How to Avoid the Sunday Night Blues

June 29, 2023 By Nagesh Belludi Leave a Comment

A proper Sunday isn’t complete unless you’ve expertly wasted every precious moment and then find yourself submerged in a sea of sorrow as that sinking feeling settles in your stomach, signaling the end of the glorious weekend.

The “Sunday-Night Blues” revolve around bidding farewell to the weekend and bracing yourself for yet another dreadful week ahead. It’s a baffling feeling when you can’t account for where the time went or what happened to all those noble intentions you had.

The tranquility of the weekend gives way to a somber mood, a sense of impending doom, and a restless night of sleep. It’s even hard to accept that the brief respite from the previous week’s work is ending.

Here’re some tips to help you ward off those Sunday-Night Blues. Spread out your chores and errands throughout the week, or better yet, tackle the tedious tasks early on—the earlier you deal with pain, the less painful it is. Tie up any loose or annoying ends on Friday, so you don’t have to give it a second thought over the weekend.

Take a few moments earlier during the weekend to plan and organize your upcoming week. This simple act will grant you greater control and preparedness, easing any anxiety or stress over the upcoming week.

Idea for Impact: Sunday evenings are meant to be cherished, not squandered in sorrow. With careful planning, a sprinkle of self-care, and a dash of positive thinking, you can transform those Sunday Night Blues into a delightful symphony of relaxation and anticipation for the week ahead.

Wondering what to read next?

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Filed Under: Health and Well-being, Sharpening Your Skills Tagged With: Balance, Discipline, Lifehacks, Procrastination, Tardiness, Time Management

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About: Nagesh Belludi [hire] is a St. Petersburg, Florida-based freethinker, investor, and leadership coach. He specializes in helping executives and companies ensure that the overall quality of their decision-making benefits isn’t compromised by a lack of a big-picture understanding.

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Unless otherwise stated in the individual document, the works above are © Nagesh Belludi under a Creative Commons BY-NC-ND license. You may quote, copy and share them freely, as long as you link back to RightAttitudes.com, don't make money with them, and don't modify the content. Enjoy!