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A Taxonomy of Troubles: Summary of Tiffany Watt Smith’s ‘The Book of Human Emotions’

October 1, 2025 By Nagesh Belludi Leave a Comment

'The Book of Human Emotions' by Tiffany Watt Smith (ISBN 0316265403) Some books aren’t designed to be read front to back. Tiffany Watt Smith’s The Book of Human Emotions (2016) is a perfect example. It’s a compendium, a literary grab bag where readers can open to any page and uncover a curious nugget about the strange terrain of human feeling. Whether it launches a dinner-table debate or sends you into a cultural rabbit hole, its charm lies in its delightfully unsystematic approach.

Smith, a cultural historian focusing on the history of emotion, offers a colorful tour of the emotional spectrum. Some entries are instantly relatable; others are wonderfully obscure. The format is encyclopedic, ranging from single-sentence definitions to multi-page explorations. There’s basorexia, the sudden urge to kiss, and iktsuarpok, the anxious anticipation of someone’s arrival. Smith notes in the introduction that the modern idea of “emotions” didn’t appear until the 1830s. Before then, feelings were blamed on faulty souls or imbalanced bodily fluids like bile or phlegm.

The book is more than just a glossary; it’s threaded with sharp cultural insights—when a language has a specific word for a concept, it often indicates that this concept is culturally important, frequently discussed, or central to how people interact and understand their world. Smith touches on the aggressively enforced cheeriness of American customer service, a strange mandate for mandatory happiness that somehow leaves everyone slightly gloomier. She also highlights curiosities like awumbuk (from Papua New Guinea,) the oddly specific feeling of emptiness after guests leave, and the Dutch concept of gezelligheid, capturing the warmth of shared companionship.

Recommendation: Leaf through The Book of Human Emotions. Though the concept occasionally feels stretched, perhaps suggesting the author discovered that emotions alone might not justify an entire book, it remains engaging throughout. Smith writes with clarity and wit, avoiding the heaviness of academic prose. This is the kind of book that earns its place on the coffee table. It’s best enjoyed in fragments, one curious entry at a time, gently reminding us how language and culture shape what we feel and how we understand each other.

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Filed Under: Effective Communication, Ideas and Insights, Sharpening Your Skills Tagged With: Assertiveness, Attitudes, Communication, Conversations, Meaning, Parables, Persuasion, Psychology

Lessons from JFK’s Inspiration Moon Landing Speeches

March 4, 2024 By Nagesh Belludi Leave a Comment

When John F. Kennedy assumed the presidency in January 1961, the prevailing sentiment among many Americans was that the country was falling behind in the Space Race. This feeling was compounded by the Soviet Union’s successful launch of the first artificial satellite, Sputnik 1, four years earlier. Just three months into Kennedy’s tenure, Yuri Gagarin made history as the first man in space. Shortly thereafter, the Bay of Pigs debacle dealt another blow to America’s international standing.

Against this backdrop, Kennedy addressed Congress on May 25, 1961, with a bold proposal: America should commit to landing a man on the Moon and safely returning him to Earth before the decade’s end. He framed space exploration as a pivotal American endeavor, one with profound implications for the nation’s future. Kennedy emphasized that reaching the Moon would not be solely the achievement of astronauts but of the entire nation, calling for collective effort.

Lasting Legacy: JFK’s Influence on the Future of Space Exploration

JFK's Moon Mission Speech: Informing Public About Lunar Landing Goal Congress swiftly approved the substantial funding Kennedy requested, leading to a significant expansion of NASA. Within four years, the agency had grown ninefold from its size at the start of Kennedy’s presidency.

Kennedy’s speech marked a turning point in human space exploration, reshaping the dynamics of the Cold War and instilling a newfound sense of American potential. It sparked national pride and served as a catalyst for vast technological and educational advancements, reflecting the boundless aspirations of the era.

Kennedy’s declaration didn’t win over everyone. To drum up more excitement and boost his approval ratings, Kennedy delivered another speech at Rice Stadium on September 12, 1962, on the campus of Rice University in Houston, Texas. It was actually his brilliant speechwriter, Ted Sorensen, who employed rhetorical techniques to stir the audience’s emotions.

Using powerful imagery, Kennedy posed the question, “But why, some say, the moon? Why choose this as our goal? And they may well ask why climb the highest mountain?” He emphasized that the pursuit of the moon and other difficult tasks wasn’t because they were easy, but because they were hard.

Drawing parallels to the spirit of exploration, Kennedy likened the moon mission to the legendary ambition of George Mallory, the British explorer who perished on Mount Everest. Mallory, when asked why he wanted to climb the mountain, famously replied, “Because it is there.” Kennedy underscored the vastness of space as the next frontier, brimming with opportunities for knowledge and peace. He invoked divine blessings for what he described as the most perilous, daring, and grand adventure humanity had ever embarked upon.

The Power of Persuasion: Analyzing JFK’s Rhetorical Magic

Kennedy’s words resonated with a profound sense of optimism and possibility. He emphasized the imperative of pushing the boundaries of human achievement and exploration, fostering a collective national pride and unity in pursuit of a singular goal. This vision electrified thousands of employees across various roles at NASA, from astronauts to janitors, all rallying around the audacious objective of landing a man on the moon. Even those with seemingly mundane tasks found purpose in the grand mission, as evidenced by one non-scientist at NASA declaring, “I’m not mopping floors, I’m putting a man on the moon.”

Kennedy’s message held sway because he possessed a rare ability to vividly depict the distant future with precision. His speeches served as a clarion call for progress and innovation, positioning the United States as a vanguard in the space race amid the backdrop of the Cold War. By framing the moon landing as a symbol of American ingenuity and technological supremacy, he underscored its significance in the global arena.

JFK's NASA Vision: Advancing Scientific Frontiers Boldly Moreover, Kennedy streamlined NASA’s ambitions to focus on a singular objective: “to develop a new frontier in science.” Prior to Kennedy’s presidency, NASA’s vision had been sprawling and unfocused, aiming to achieve superiority in technology and space exploration. By narrowing the focus to one goal, Kennedy recognized the power of clarity and direction in driving progress.

Kennedy vividly portrayed the magnitude of the challenge, emphasizing its enormity: “No single space project … will be more impressive to mankind, or more important for the long-range exploration of space; and none will be so difficult or expensive to accomplish.”

Dreaming Big: How JFK’s Moon Speeches Transformed History

By aligning NASA’s and the nation’s vision to a tangible and ambitious objective, Kennedy galvanized action: “commit itself to achieving the goal, before this decade is out, of landing a man on the moon and returning him safely to the earth.” Setting a clear deadline spurred engagement and focus. Kennedy’s speeches marked a pivotal juncture in the space race, laying the groundwork for future exploration of the cosmos.

The key lesson to glean from this is to strive for concreteness in vision statements, avoiding abstraction whenever possible. The objective of landing a man on the moon felt tangible, immediate, and relatable compared to the vaguer aim of “advancing science.”

Indeed, the future remains shrouded in uncertainty. Our mental image of what lies ahead is often hazy, leading us to discuss it in broad, sweeping terms to maintain flexibility.

Idea for Impact: A compelling vision propels us beyond the familiar, guiding us into uncharted territory and expanding the limits of our conventional thinking.

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Filed Under: Career Development, Effective Communication, Great Personalities, Ideas and Insights, Sharpening Your Skills Tagged With: Communication, Conversations, Critical Thinking, Likeability, Listening, Marketing, Mindfulness, Persuasion, Presentations

Ever Wonder Why People Resist Gifts? // Reactance Theory

April 12, 2021 By Nagesh Belludi Leave a Comment

People are more likely to resist or reject well-intentioned proposals, advice, or gifts when it feels like their freedom is being threatened in some way.

For instance, I hate receiving clothes for gifts—clothing is mostly a matter of personal taste. I’ll grin and bear it. I may even wear said clothes once or twice just to please the giver.

Turns out that my indifference isn’t atypical. Psychological studies of the gift-giving process indicate that giving clothing gifts involves greater risk than with other kinds of gift objects. The chosen gift may not match the recipient’s self-image, identity, or dress style.

The so-called Reactance Theory explains why giving gifts and offering uncalled-for advice could rankle so much. According to the American Psychological Association,

Reactance theory is a model stating that in response to a perceived threat to—or loss of—a behavioral freedom, a person will experience psychological reactance (or, more simply, reactance,) a motivational state characterized by distress, anxiety, resistance, and the desire to restore that freedom. According to this model, when people feel coerced into a certain behavior, they will react against the coercion, often by demonstrating an increased preference for the behavior that is restrained, and may perform the behavior opposite to that desired.

Reactance can come into play when you’re persuading someone to buy a specific product at the grocery store, forbidding a child from using a mobile phone at school, or insisting that an employee perform some detestable task for the boss.

Idea for Impact: Think twice before you do anything that, though meant well, may threaten another person’s sense of behavioral freedom. People who are threatened thus usually feel uncomfortable and angry—even hostile.

In gift-giving, offering advice, or any other attempt at social influence, know your limits. Beware that it’s not always easy to recognize the limits until you overshoot them.

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What to Do When an Invitation Says “No Gifts”

August 31, 2020 By Nagesh Belludi Leave a Comment

It’s not uncommon to go a party to which the invitation states “no gifts, please” and realize that you’re the only one who didn’t bring a gift.

People sometimes ignore the no-gifts request if they doubt the seriousness of the host’s request.

Guests also tend to disregard the appeal if they’ve been to parties where they’ve been embarrassed by being the only ones who’ve shown up empty-handed.

But if your host has expressly requested no gifts, just comply. Forget gifts.

When a host asks for no gifts, assume that she really does mean so. She must have her reasons. Bringing a gift after being asked not to seems rather discourteous.

Plus, you won’t discomfit other guests who’ll probably—hopefully—arrive with nothing.

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Let the Buddha Help You Appreciate the Role of Questions in Inquiry

March 19, 2020 By Nagesh Belludi Leave a Comment

The Athenian philosopher Socrates used a dialogic teaching method, now known as “Socratic Questioning.”

Socrates famously observed, “I know one thing, that I know nothing.” He habitually posed of ignorance even though he knew more about any subject matter than he let on. He led his pupils through a sequence of questions—not to test or assess them, but to draw out their “tacit knowledge.” According to Plato, Socrates assumed that a pupil already possesses the knowledge or the understanding, but is not aware of this until a skillful teacher can help the pupil draw it out of himself using leading questions.

In his dialogues, Socrates imparted no information about the subject of inquiry, but systematically asked questions. By responding to Socrates’s teased-out line of thinking, the pupils eventually arrived at the desired knowledge.

The Buddha’s Socratic Questioning Technique

Discoursing about finding cognizance through systematic inquiry, the Zen priest and poet Norman Fischer explains how the Buddha, like Socrates, used questions to help his disciples reveal the truth:

Buddha talked not because he was particularly loquacious, or because he was given to elaborate explanations, but in order to help people see through the smoke screen of their own language and views. Once someone asked him for his secret in answering questions as effectively as he did. He said that he had four ways of answering questions.

  • One way was categorically—just to say yes or no without ambiguity.
  • The second way was to examine the question analytically, clarifying definitions and trying to determine what was actually being said, usually by deconstructing it. Most of the time when the Buddha employed this method there was no need to answer the question: under analysis the question proved meaningless.
  • The third way was by posing a counterquestion, the purpose of which was to bring the questioner back to his or her own mind, redirecting attention away from the entanglement of the language of the question to something real that stood behind it.
  • The fourth way was simply to put the question aside, knowing that some questions are so hopelessly entangled that to take them up at all means beating your head against a wall—there is no end to it and you end up with a bloody head. To put the question aside is simply to walk around the wall. This way you can get to the other side without beating your head bloody. So sometimes the Buddha’s response to a question was silence.

Idea for Impact: Rational Inquiry is Driven by Questions

Become skilled at how to facilitate critical thinking with the Socratic Questioning technique. I recommend Richard Paul and Linda Elder’s excellent The Thinker’s Guide to the Art of Socratic Questioning (2006; excerpt.) Here’s a handy primer on the nine types of Socratic Questions.

With patience and loving-kindness, ask questions in such a way that can skillfully lead your interlocutors to a better understanding of themselves. Help them cross-examine and uncover the inconsistencies and errors of their thinking, and even change their mind—all without arguing with them.

You can also use Socratic Questioning for self-reflection, which in itself is a rhetorical device to discover the true self. Engage yourself in contemplation not to judge your past choices, but to ponder on them, learn from them, and make whatever changes you believe are right for you in the here and now.

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How to Reduce Thanksgiving Stress

November 26, 2019 By Nagesh Belludi Leave a Comment

Getting everything organized in your kitchen for this week’s annual celebration—one that nonetheless marks the Anglo-Saxon incursion of someone else’s country—is challenging enough, but hosting Thanksgiving gets even more stressful as soon as guests start arriving. You’re obliged to talk to them, entertain them, and keep them busy and occupied, all the while prepping and oven-coordinating.

One way to reduce your festive stress is to assign each guest a simple responsibility. Get aunt Mary to set the table, uncle Roger to get all the wine and the champagne ready, and the children to prepare the place cards. Somebody else can organize simple Thanksgiving games for the restless kids.

Give them all specific goals; don’t dictate perfection. Make sure the jobs are easy enough, short, and, preferably centered away from the kitchen, allowing you to focus on getting the food ready.

Appoint one dependable person to operate as your right-hand person—this person can coordinate with everybody else.

Your guests will feel satisfied that they’ve helped, and you’ll get some valuable space to get everything ready and have a fun time with your family.

Reduce Thanksgiving stress further by not partaking in that ritualized consumer orgy called Black Friday. Join the Buy Nothing Day movement in protest against excessive consumerism.

Addendum: When multiple families assemble for large gatherings, there’s a tendency for entire families to sit together. That’s a shame; if people could scatter around the dining table, there’d be more interactions and a livelier event. Bear this in mind while you decide on seating arrangements.

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Etiquette for Office Cubicle Dwellers

July 15, 2016 By Nagesh Belludi 1 Comment

If you work in an open cubicle farm, you already know that a lack of privacy and frequent interruptions can cause cubicle dwellers to get on each others’ nerves. Here are some ground rules and etiquette tips to follow.

  • If you like to listen to music or the radio, keep the volume low or use headphones. Your neighbors may not work best with background music (or noise) and may not share your music preferences.
  • Don’t speak loudly. Avoid long, loud conversations—sometimes unrelated to work—with colleagues or on the phone. Step out of your cubicle into the hallway or an empty conference room. Don’t pursue conversations on sensitive topics—it is impossible to know who else is listening.
  • Avoid popping into others’ cubicles and parking yourself at an open seat. Don’t interpret an “open door” policy for a “no door” choice. Cubicles have made it easy to walk by someone, interrupt them, and start chatting. Don’t interrupt them if they seem busy. Prior to starting a conversation, take a second to ask them if now is a good time to talk. Remember that in the modern workplace, distractions kill productivity more than anything else.
  • Speak to people from the front. If someone’s sitting with their back to the entrance of their cubicle, don’t startle them. Instead, knock on the wall of their cubicle or take a moment to walk around to their front before talking to them.
  • Don’t look at others’ computer screens as you walk by their cubicles. Keep your glances out of other people’s space.
  • Don’t expect others to keep track of their neighbors. If you intend to seek out Anna but can’t find her at her cubicle, don’t expect James to know where Anna is because he’s right next door to her.
  • And, James may not want to have a chat with you while you wait for Anna. Don’t bother James. Leave a note for Anna and move on.
  • Don’t linger around someone’s cubicle if they are chatting with another person or on a phone call. Revisit at another time.
  • Don’t yell across cubicles. Walk over to the other’s location.
  • Never borrow items from other people in the office without letting them know. If they are away, leave a note on their table saying that you took the item and will return it as soon as possible.
  • Pay attention to personal hygiene and cubicle cleanliness. Don’t eat a smelly lunch. Don’t overuse perfumes. Don’t take off your shoes.
  • Personalize your workspace (it’s a sign of nesting) with framed pictures, area rugs, memorabilia, fresh flowers, a candy jar, and the like. Be discerning; don’t flaunt anything distracting, political, religious, unprofessional, or offensive.

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Filed Under: Ideas and Insights, Sharpening Your Skills Tagged With: Etiquette, Feedback, Workplace

Don’t Reject Your Spiritual Traditions Altogether in Favor of Another

May 20, 2016 By Nagesh Belludi Leave a Comment

All over the world, organized religion is on a protracted decline. However, in Western societies, Buddhism is one of the fastest growing “religions” in terms of new converts.

In these Western societies, many people take to Buddhism because of the appeal of meditation and the substantial self-help benefits attributed to persistent meditative practice. Some Neo-Buddhists are motivated enough to warm up slowly but surely to the fact that Buddhism is much more than mere meditation. They come to understand that the Buddhist way of life is atheistic and emphasizes ethics. They draw inspiration from the realization that they alone are responsible for their own attitudes, intentions, decisions, actions, and behaviors. As University of St. Thomas’s Stephen Laumakis wrote in An Introduction to Buddhist Philosophy,

The single most important or most basic insight of the historical Buddha is the claim that who we are and what we think exists is a function of our mind and its cognitive powers. In other words, it is our mind and our uses of it that determine how we see and understand our self, the world, and other things.

On the other hand, some new Buddhist practitioners have misgivings especially as regards the religious or esoteric philosophical aspects of Buddhism. They continue to seek and practice meditation techniques in a secular, non-Buddhist context.

Buddhism has never sought strength in number of adherents

As I have mentioned in my previous article, Buddhism is more of a philosophy of life—a “spiritual practice”—than a religion in the Abrahamic sense.

When Thich Nhat Hanh, the Dalai Lama, and other prominent Buddhist teachers started teaching Buddhism in the West during the ’80s, they did not intend to establish a beachhead. Rather, they intended to help educate enthusiasts and help Westerners return, with renewed spirit, to their own religions. In Teachings on Love, Thich Nhat Hanh wrote:

'Teachings on Love' by Thich Nhat Hanh (ISBN 1888375000) Many Westerners attracted to Buddhist practice have abandoned their own spiritual traditions. They reject the churches and clergy of their own traditions because they feel constricted and uncomfortable with the attitudes and practices they have encountered there. They have suffered within their own tradition and so have sought another. They approach Buddhist practice with the hope of replacing their own tradition and may wish to break away from their own tradition forever.

According to Buddhist wisdom, such wishing is in vain. A person severed from her own culture and traditions is like a tree pulled out by the roots. Such a person will find it hard to be happy. Buddhist practice can offer effective means to heal, reconcile, and reunite with one’s blood and spiritual families, in order to discover the precious gems in one’s own traditions. Thanks to the practice, people will see that Buddhism and their own spiritual tradition have many things in common, and therefore it is not necessary to reject their own spiritual tradition. They will see that there are things that need to be transformed in Buddhism as well as in their own tradition.

Idea for Impact: Forcefully rejecting one’s religious, spiritual, or cultural tradition in favor of another is not conducive to happiness and peace of mind. Buddhism encourages the Neo-Buddhists to employ insights from their Buddhist practices to find what may have been previously overlooked in their long-established beliefs.

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Party Etiquette: Can you take your leftovers home?

May 6, 2016 By Nagesh Belludi 5 Comments

A reader’s question about party etiquette: at the end of a party, could you expect to return home with leftovers of the food or the drink you contributed to the party?

No, not unless the host offers.

You’re a guest in your host’s home and anything you contributed to the party is tantamount to a gift. Unless the host decides not to preserve the remainder of your contribution and suggests that you take your leftovers home, don’t expect to return with your leftovers. Just return with your empty dish.

At potluck parties, however, you can take your leftovers home, but first offer to leave some or all of the leftovers for the host.

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Party Etiquette for the Vegetarian Guest

May 3, 2016 By Nagesh Belludi Leave a Comment

  • When RSVPing to a party, mention your dietary restrictions and allergies: “Thanks for the invitation. I must tell you that I am vegan and gluten-free. I am also allergic to peanuts.” Be as specific as possible; mention if you can consume milk products and eggs. Elaborate if you can’t eat anything particular: butter, marshmallows, honey, gelatin, chicken stock, or lard in desserts.
  • Offer to provide for yourself and help out: “May I bring my five-bean and avocado salad with baked nachos? That should also cover the appetizer course for you!” If you’re comfortable with meat substitutes, offer to bring the meat-alternative dish that’s most suitable for the occasion: “May I bring a Tofurky dish? I’ve heard it mimics the taste and texture of a Thanksgiving meal.”
  • If the party is in your honor and the host insists upon cooking for you, suggest an easy dish they could prepare for you. Don’t make the host search for a dish that best suits your preferences.
  • Understand that your hosts can’t cater to every guest’s preferences. Don’t be offended if your host forgets about your dietary restrictions. Appreciate that they’ll be spending a lot of time preparing for and cleaning up after the party. If your host hasn’t made any accommodations to cover your dietary needs, just eat salad, quick-and-easy canned soup, or whatever is practical for the host to organize quickly for you. Don’t grumble.

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About: Nagesh Belludi [hire] is a St. Petersburg, Florida-based freethinker, investor, and leadership coach. He specializes in helping executives and companies ensure that the overall quality of their decision-making benefits isn’t compromised by a lack of a big-picture understanding.

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