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Right Attitudes

Ideas for Impact

Nagesh Belludi

Racism and Identity: The Lie of Labeling

February 2, 2023 By Nagesh Belludi Leave a Comment

This video examines how categorical labeling and the us-versus-them mentality it fosters are at the heart of division and, subsequently, intolerance and non-acceptance.

From birth, the world force-feeds us these labels, and eventually, we all swallow them. We digest and accept the labels, never ever doubting them, but there’s one problem. Labels are not you, and labels are not me. Labels are just labels. Who we truly are is skin deep. Who we truly are is found inside.

Labels forever blind us from seeing a person for whom they are, but instead force us to see them through the judgmental, prejudicial, artificial filters of who we think they are.

Labels Aren’t Just Idle Placeholders

Labels determine what we see. As essayist James Baldwin cautions in The Price of the Ticket (1985,) “As long as you think you are white, there is no hope for you. Because as long as you think you’re white, I’m forced to think I’m black.”

We’ve used the lie of labeling to define and separate people for millennia. We emotionally and intellectually enslave ourselves when we believe the lie of a label. Then we enslave others. Even forcing people to self-identify by labels reinforces separation, stereotyping, and divisiveness.

Rigid stereotypes of out-group norms follow. Such attitudes are harmful because they overlook the full humanity and uniqueness of all people. When our perceptions of different races are distorted and stereotypical, it’s demeaning, devaluing, limiting, and hurtful to others.

Idea for Impact: Let’s Stop Sidestepping the Human Behind the Labels

What we need now—more than ever—is an individual and collective shift from tolerance to acceptance (it’s possible to be tolerant without being accepting, but it isn’t possible to be accepting without first being tolerant.) In so doing, we can work to create a society in which everyone is valued, appreciated, and embraced.

Wondering what to read next?

  1. Labeling Damage
  2. There’s Real Danger in Religious Illiteracy
  3. Embracing Cultural Sensitivity: A Case Study of Akira Kurosawa’s Oscar Speech
  4. Stop Stigmatizing All Cultural ‘Appropriation’
  5. Beyond Mansplaining’s Veil

Filed Under: Managing People, Mental Models Tagged With: Biases, Conflict, Diversity, Getting Along, Group Dynamics, Politics, Social Dynamics

Why Your Partner May Be Lying

January 30, 2023 By Nagesh Belludi Leave a Comment

Honesty builds trust and intimacy. When one partner conceals information or has secrets, it erodes a trusting relationship.

One non-obvious reason people lie to their partners is that they don’t feel safe telling the truth. Their head goes into a defensive mode, thinking merely about the short-term benefits. They fear rejection or disapproval. If such are the consequences of telling the truth, they believe it’s expedient to sidestep it, especially if they expect they’re unlikely to be caught.

If you reckon your partner is lying, first seek to figure out the reason behind the lie. Reflect on the last time your partner lied to you. How would you have responded if they’d spoken the truth? Would you have reacted with anger—even yelling or starting a fight?

When your partner lies, focus first on the one aspect you have total control over: your reactions. Have a “trust chat” with your partner. With no suggestion of judgment or shaming them, reveal your concerns and talk to them about honesty, trust, and secrecy.

Nudge your partner to be more candid with you. Let your partner know you’d always prefer to know the truth, regardless of the situation. Then, when your partner speaks the truth, thank them for being forthright and telling you the truth, even when they know that the revelation may leave you disappointed or angry.

Idea for Impact: Negative reactions like criticism, contempt, sarcasm, or aggression can make your partner more likely to hide the truth, causing a relationship to embitter even further.

Wondering what to read next?

  1. The High Cost of Winning a Small Argument
  2. How to Mediate in a Dispute
  3. A Short Course on: How to Find the Right Relationship
  4. The Likeability Factor: Whose “Do Not Pair” List Includes You?
  5. Managerial Lessons from the Show Business: Summary of Leadership from the Director’s Chair

Filed Under: Managing People Tagged With: Conflict, Conversations, Getting Along, Negotiation, Persuasion, Relationships

Inspirational Quotations #982

January 29, 2023 By Nagesh Belludi

I’d rather be a failure at something I love than a success at something I hate.
—George Burns (American Comedian)

There is nothing keeps longer than a middling fortune, and nothing melts away sooner than a great one. Poverty treads on the heels of great and unexpected riches.
—Jean de La Bruyere (French Author)

There are three marks of a superior man; being virtuous, he is free from anxiety; being wise, he is free from perplexity; being brave, he is free from fear.
—Confucius (Chinese Philosopher)

You are strong because you are imperfect. You are wise because you have doubts.
—Clementine Churchill (British Humanitarian)

Men, in general, seem to employ their reason to justify prejudices, which they have imbibed, they can scarcely trace how, rather than to root them out. The mind must be strong that resolutely forms its own principles; for a kind of intellectual cowardice prevails which makes many men shrink from the task, or only do it by halves.
—Mary Wollstonecraft (English Writer, Feminist)

Surround yourself with the best people you can find, delegate authority, and don’t interfere.
—Ronald Reagan (American Head of State)

Reductionism is a dirty word, and a kind of ‘holistier than thou’ self-righteousness has become fashionable.
—Richard Dawkins (British Ethologist, Atheist)

The highest result of education is tolerance. Long ago men fought and died for their faith; but it took ages to teach them the other kind of courage,—the courage to recognize the faiths of their brethren and their rights of conscience. Tolerance is the first principal of community; it is the spirit which conserves the best that all men think.
—Helen Keller (American Author)

Love thy neighbor as thyself because you are your neighbor. It is illusion that makes you think that your neighbor is someone other than yourself.
—Sarvepalli Radhakrishnan (Indian Philosopher, Political Leader)

Charity is really self-interest masquerading under the form of altruism.
—Anthony de Mello (Indian-born American Theologian)

It is our job to make women unhappy with what they have.
—B. Earl Puckett (American Businessperson)

Filed Under: Inspirational Quotations

How to … Make Work Less Boring

January 28, 2023 By Nagesh Belludi Leave a Comment

Time passes faster when you divide a big chunk into lots of smaller chunks. So, if you’re on an inescapably boring path, break it into units. And, for each dreaded task, ask yourself, “What’s the most fun way I could do this?” Work at a coffee shop? Listen to your favorite music? Reward yourself upon its completion?

As Mary Poppins pleaded, “In every task that must be done there is an element of fun. You find the fun and snap! The job’s a game.”

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  2. Do You Really Need More Willpower?
  3. How to (Finally!) Stop Procrastinating, Just Do It
  4. Zeigarnik Effect: How Incomplete Tasks Trigger Stress
  5. How to Turn Your Procrastination Time into Productive Time

Filed Under: Mental Models, Sharpening Your Skills Tagged With: Discipline, Lifehacks, Motivation, Procrastination, Stress, Time Management

How to … Communicate Better with Defensive People

January 27, 2023 By Nagesh Belludi Leave a Comment

Any time you want to question something a person did or didn’t, phrase your question in terms of “how” or “what.”

Don’t ask “why,” especially when working with individuals who tend to be a bit defensive.

I’ve noticed that a “why” often pushes them over the edge—they feel threatened, or they feel their abilities are being brought into question. Defensiveness is usually a means of avoiding accountability and getting the other person to back off.

The “tell me more” invites them to engage in a conversation.

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  1. The Sensitivity of Politics in Today’s Contentious Climate
  2. Don’t Abruptly Walk Away from an Emotionally Charged Conflict
  3. Think Twice Before You Launch That Truth Bomb
  4. How to Speak Up in Meetings and Disagree Tactfully
  5. Thanks, But No Thanks: Well-Intentioned Reminders Can Resurface Old Wounds

Filed Under: Effective Communication, Managing People Tagged With: Anger, Conflict, Conversations, Etiquette, Getting Along, Social Skills

How to … Deal with Meetings That Get Derailed

January 26, 2023 By Nagesh Belludi Leave a Comment

Refuse meetings that swallow up your time with little benefit. Unproductive talk and time tend to fill the space at protracted meetings.

Cut the meetings you have in half. Cut the time of the meetings that remain in half. Then cut the number of attendees in half.

Show up only if you’re required—not just to be seen, and be prepared with your contribution.

Anecdote: When Andy Grove was CEO at Intel, every new employee, from a production worker to an executive, was required to take the company’s course on effective meetings, often taught by the acclaimed CEO himself. Grove believed good meetings were of such consequence to Intel that it was worth his time to train all employees.

Wondering what to read next?

  1. A Tagline for Most Meetings: Much Said, Little Decided
  2. At the End of Every Meeting, Grade It
  3. How to Stop “Standing” Meetings from Clogging Up Your Time
  4. Don’t Let the Latecomers Ruin Your Meeting
  5. The Bikeshedding Fallacy: Why Trivial Matters Eclipse the Important Ones

Filed Under: Effective Communication, Leading Teams Tagged With: Efficiency, Meetings, Teams, Time Management

How to … Plan in a Time of Uncertainty

January 25, 2023 By Nagesh Belludi Leave a Comment

In periods of uncertainty and ambiguity, move away from annual plans and focus on the next three months. Reflect on the unpredictability of the future and stay on your toes by forging plans for unexpected scenarios so you won’t be caught flat-footed when that time comes.

Establish “trigger points” and “accelerate, maintain, or terminate criteria” in advance and keep an eye on key indicators to “wait and see” or “stay the course” should one of your planned-for scenarios materialize.

Idea for Impact: When the horizon is much shorter, operate with agility and allocate your resources in real time.

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  4. Under Pressure, The Narrowing Cognitive Map: Lessons from the Tragedy of Singapore Airlines Flight 6
  5. After Action Reviews: The Heartbeat of Every Learning Organization

Filed Under: Leadership, MBA in a Nutshell, Mental Models Tagged With: Adversity, Conflict, Decision-Making, Persuasion, Problem Solving, Risk

How to … Rethink Work-Life Balance

January 24, 2023 By Nagesh Belludi Leave a Comment

A successful corporate life demands high-level performance for sustained periods. Success doesn’t come without a price. It’s a price that those who advance to the heights of the corporate world are prepared to pay, especially if they care much about what they do. They understand that some pursuits are demanding and require a 100% commitment. They get fulfillment from going to work, as others get from spending some time on sports and hobbies.

When it’s harder than ever to separate work and play, contentment comes not so much from ‘balance’ but from defining success for yourself and setting and living your priorities. Everyone has a value system, but not everyone purposefully prioritizes things that have to be at the forefront.

Wondering what to read next?

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  2. The Costs of Perfectionism: A Case Study of A Two Michelin-Starred French Chef
  3. Great Jobs are Overwhelming, and Not Everybody Wants Them
  4. Avoid Being Money-Rich and Time-Poor: Summary of Ashley Whillans’s ‘Time Smart’
  5. The Never-Ending Office vs. Remote Work Debate

Filed Under: Living the Good Life Tagged With: Assertiveness, Balance, Happiness, Time Management, Work-Life

How to … Pop the Filter Bubble

January 23, 2023 By Nagesh Belludi Leave a Comment

You’re inclined to be drawn toward those who are similar and wary of those who differ. Similarity bias propels you to unwittingly filter out ideas and opinions that diverge from your own.

Expand your view by actively seeking opposing views. Break your routines. Fraternize with considerate, ‘unlike’-minded people. Remain open to alternative interpretations. Ask big “what if” questions and frame things with an exploratory conjecture: ‘what if we did it this way?,’ ‘do we understand the problem?’ or ‘why doesn’t this work better?’

Putting yourself in a learning and questioning mindset will inspire, stimulate, and challenge you to step out of what you know. Decision-making and creativity will soar.

Wondering what to read next?

  1. Surrounded by Yes
  2. How to Stimulate Group Creativity // Book Summary of Edward de Bono’s ‘Six Thinking Hats’
  3. Group Polarization: Like-Mindedness is Dangerous, Especially with Social Media
  4. Consensus is Dangerous
  5. Empower Your Problem-Solving with the Initial Hypothesis Method

Filed Under: Mental Models, Sharpening Your Skills Tagged With: Conversations, Conviction, Creativity, Critical Thinking, Social Dynamics

Inspirational Quotations #981

January 22, 2023 By Nagesh Belludi

Politeness is the slow poison of collaboration.
—Edwin H. Land (American Inventor)

An enlightened person raises the level of the consciousness of the entire community.
—Phyllis Theroux (American Journalist, Author)

Costs do not exist to be calculated. Costs exist to be reduced.
—Taiichi Ohno (Japanese Manufacturing Engineer)

The key to the behavior of subjects lies not in pent-up anger or aggression, but in the nature of their relationship to authority. They have given themselves to the authority; they see themselves as instruments for the execution of his wishes; once so defined, they are unable to break free.
—Stanley Milgram (American Psychologist)

There is no one envious enough to harm another that is not first a torment to himself.
—Augustine of Hippo (Roman-African Christian Philosopher)

Labor to keep alive that little spark of celestial fire, called conscience.
—George Washington (American Head of State)

I have always been delighted at the prospect of a new day, a fresh try, one more start, with perhaps a bit of magic waiting somewhere behind the morning.
—J. B. Priestley (British Novelist, Playwright, Essayist)

Jealousy is not at all low, but it catches us humbled and bowed down, at first sight. For it is the only suffering that we endure without ever becoming used to it.
—Colette (French Novelist, Performer)

Hard to put things right. You don’t often get that chance. Sometimes all you can do is not get caught.
—Donna Tartt (American Novelist)

Stealing isn’t so easy, often it’s hard work, otherwise we’d all be doing it.
—Elfriede Jelinek (Austrian Author)

Rashness is the faithful but unhappy parent of misfortune.
—Thomas Fuller (English Cleric, Historian)

You should look into a mirror: if you look fine, do fine things; if you look ugly, correct by nobility the defect of your nature.
—Bias of Priene (Greek Orator)

When you visualized a man or woman carefully, you could always begin to feel pity—that was a quality God’s image carried with it. When you saw the lines at the corners of the eyes, the shape of the mouth, how the hair grew, it was impossible to hate. Hate was just a failure of imagination.
—Graham Greene (British Novelist)

Filed Under: Inspirational Quotations

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About: Nagesh Belludi [hire] is a St. Petersburg, Florida-based freethinker, investor, and leadership coach. He specializes in helping executives and companies ensure that the overall quality of their decision-making benefits isn’t compromised by a lack of a big-picture understanding.

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Unless otherwise stated in the individual document, the works above are © Nagesh Belludi under a Creative Commons BY-NC-ND license. You may quote, copy and share them freely, as long as you link back to RightAttitudes.com, don't make money with them, and don't modify the content. Enjoy!