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Nagesh Belludi

The Risks of Qualifying Your Apologies

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In our personal and professional lives, our reactions and follow-ups to errors and missteps reflect greatly on our character. Previous blog articles [1] and [2] have discussed the importance of recognizing our slip-ups, expressing regret and saying ‘Sorry.’

Quite often, when we apologize, we tend to add details to our apologies: we may provide an explanation, or try to account for the circumstances that led to our errors or missteps. In other words, we sometimes tend to qualify our apologies.

Trying to qualifying apologies can dilute the sincerity of our apologies.

Risk: Trying to offer excuses or justify behavior

Take the example of yelling at your spouse when she was late to pick you up at the airport. The next day, you like to apologize for yelling at her. All you need is a simple, “I am sorry I yelled at you yesterday. I shouldn’t have.”

You may attempt to qualify the apology by adding, “You know, I had been traveling for five hours. I was hungry and tired.” Though your reasons for being upset were probably justifiable, your spouse may sense excuses or justification for your yelling. Including reasons with the apology statement may make your spouse question the sincerity of your apology.

Risk: Trying to transfer blame

Suppose that you promised to watch a movie with your spouse on Valentine’s Day. However, your boss asked you to attend a late-evening teleconference with an important international client. You could not go home in good time for the movie. Your spouse is upset. All you need to say is, “I realize I am late for the movie. I regret I did not excuse myself from the meeting early. I am sorry. Shall we watch the movie on Friday evening?”

If you try to qualify the apology by stating, “It was my boss who asked me to attend the meeting. He is unreasonable. I wish he had asked me earlier. We could have planned accordingly.” Clearly, this is an attempt to blame the boss for not being able to say ‘no’ to the late-request from the boss. You spouse sees it as an attempt to draw attention to your helplessness at work and deflect the blame.

Concluding Thoughts

The secret to sincere apologies is to keep your apology-statements straightforward and short. Do not attempt to explain or rationalize your behavior–these just dilute the sincerity of your apology.

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Overcome Procrastination: My “10-Minute Dash” Technique to Get a Task Going

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“He has half the deed done who has made a beginning.”
– Horace (Quintus Horatius Flaccus)

Procrastination: “Why do now what I can do later“

Simply, procrastination is a choice to delay an action with the intent to act later.

Most of us are prone to procrastination on tasks big and small. Some of our postponement-problems are instigated by fears of incompletion and failure, or, from assuming that the tasks we face are tedious. Often, our procrastination is nothing more than resentment to working on tasks assigned by others.

The “10-Minute Dash” Technique

The next time you face a ‘job’ that appears overwhelming or unpleasant, beat the temptation to postpone action by committing to work on the job for just ten minutes. Follow these four simple steps.

  • Consider the ‘job‘ at hand and break it down. Pick two or three simple component-‘tasks‘. For instance, if you want to clean your study room, your component tasks could be to clean the bookshelf, organize the study-desk, etc.
  • Commit to focus on your chosen tasks for just ten minutes. Use a timer, if necessary. For ten minutes, do nothing but your chosen tasks.
  • Avoid distractions or interruptions. For instance, if you unearth Aunt Stella’s letter while cleaning a bookshelf, continue to clean–you can read her letter later.
  • Do not give up. Two minutes into the ten-minute dash, if you find your chosen task tedious, do not stop. After all, you have just eight more minutes to go.

Beginning a Task Builds Momentum

There are two distinct outcomes of doing a ten-minute dash.

  • Often, at the end of ten minutes of uninterrupted work, you feel good about working towards your goal. It is likely that beginning to work on the job built a momentum; you got absorbed in the tasks. In contrast to your presumption, the job may turn out to be rather easy and pleasant. Continue to work—schedule ten, twenty or thirty more minutes of work.
  • The less likely outcome is that the ten minutes of work reinforced some of your displeasures about the job. Still, your achievement was that, at the very least, you got ten minutes of work done. If you do not wish to continue working on the task, commit to resume your work later. Ask yourself, “When can I start again?”

Concluding Thoughts

One of the easiest techniques to overcoming procrastination is to begin. Quite often, seemingly difficult tasks get easier once you get working on them. In short time, you get into the ‘flow’ and work towards completion.

Wondering what to read next?

  1. How to Avoid the Sunday Night Blues
  2. How to (Finally!) Stop Procrastinating, Just Do It
  3. How to … Make Work Less Boring
  4. The Art of Taking Action: Use The Two Minute “Do-it-Now” Rule
  5. 5 Minutes to Greater Productivity [Two-Minute Mentor #11]

Inspirational Quotations #220

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To me business isn’t about wearing suits or pleasing stockholders. It’s about being true to yourself, your ideas and focusing on the essentials.
—Richard Branson (British Entrepreneur)

The secret of my vigor and activity is that I have managed to have a lot of fun.
—Lowell Thomas (American Writer)

Some pursue happiness – others create it.
—Anonymous

Don’t tell me I’m burning the candle at both ends, tell me where to get more wax.
—Unknown

The truth will set you free, but first it will make you miserable.
—Unknown

The truth will set you free, but first it will make you miserable.
—Unknown

The truth will set you free, but first it will make you miserable.
—Unknown

Who, being loved, is poor?
—Oscar Wilde (Irish Poet)

When you go forward, you will occasionally stumble. And when you choose to positively recover from those stumbles, you’ll move more quickly ahead.
—Ralph Marston

Life is about losing everything, gracefully.
—Mia Farrow

Love always creates, it never destroys. In this lie’s man’s only promise.
—Leo Buscaglia (American Motivational Speaker)

Inspirational Quotations #219

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Yes, Love indeed is light from heaven;|A spark of that immortal fire|With angels shared, by Allah given|To lift from earth our low desire.
—Lord Byron (George Gordon Byron) (English Romantic Poet)

If you don’t have solid beliefs you cannot build a stable life. Beliefs are like the foundation of a building, and they are the foundation to build your life upon.
—Alfred A. Montapert

Anybody who can still do at 60 what he was doing at 20, wasn’t doing much at 20.
—Unknown

I would rather entertain and hope that people learned something than educate people and hope they were entertained.
—Walt Disney (American Entrepreneur)

Meditation is in truth higher than thought. The earth seems to rest in silent meditation; and the waters and the mountains and the sky and the heavens seem all to be in meditation. Whenever a man attains greatness on this earth, he has his reward according to his meditation.
—The Upanishads

Often what we choose for our lives is the choice for the next generation too.
—Unknown

The display of status symbols is usually a result of low self-esteem. The self-confident person can afford to project a modest image.
—H. Jackson Brown, Jr. (American Author)

What to Do When You Forget a Person’s Name

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Remembering names is an important social skill—mastering this skill can offer a distinct advantage in your professional and personal lives. Previous blog articles discussed a 5R (Resolve, Review, Relate, Repeat, Record) technique to help remember names and a technique to remember names around tables in meetings.

Apologize and Ask

Despite your best efforts, on occasion you may not be able recollect the name of another person, even if you were introduced minutes earlier. In such cases, simply ask, “I am sorry, I forgot your name.” Do not elaborate or try to qualify. Alternately, ask for the person’s business card if appropriate

Another familiar situation is when you run into someone you know–you can remember several details of the person and your prior interactions,–but cannot recall the person’s name. This person may assume that you know his/her name and hence may not self-introduce. You may go through an entire conversation trying to call to mind this person’s name. Simply say, “Forgive me. I remember we met at last year’s sales conference. I can remember everything about you, but, I can’t recall your name. Could you please repeat it for me?”

Introduce a Third Person

Yet another technique is to introduce a third person. Say, at an office holiday party, you fail to remember the name of a colleague. Turn to your colleague and say, “I don’t think you have met my husband, Frank.” Frank and your colleague exchange greetings: “Hi, I am Frank. Nice to meet you.” Your colleague reveals her name: “Hi, I am Isabella David.”

At any rate, avoid embarrassing yourself by using an assumed or a wrong name. Apologize and ask the person to state or confirm his/names.

Wondering what to read next?

  1. Flattery Will Get You Nowhere
  2. Office Chitchat Isn’t Necessarily a Time Waster
  3. Nobody Wants Your Unsolicited Advice
  4. Silence Speaks Louder in Conversations
  5. The Pickleball Predicament: If The CEO Wants a Match, Don’t Let It Be a Mismatch

Inspirational Quotations #218

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Our greatest happiness in life does not depend on the condition of life in which chance has placed us, but is always the result of good conscience, good health, occupation, and freedom in all just pursuits.
—Thomas Jefferson (American Head of State)

Marriage is an empty box. It remains empty unless you put in more than you take out.
—H. Jackson Brown, Jr. (American Author)

Laughter has no foreign accent.
—Paul B. Lowney

This is my simple religion. There is no need for temples; no need for complicated philosophy. Our own brain, our own heart is our temple; the philosophy is kindness.
—The 14th Dalai Lama (Tibetan Buddhist Religious Leader)

All of us have been rejected more than once. We’ve been turned down for jobs, had applications refused, and lost out in romance.
—James R. Sherman

Love is a canvas furnished by nature and embroidered by imagination.
—Voltaire (French Philosopher)

I had ambition not only to go farther than any man had ever been before, but as far as it was possible for a man to go.
—James Cook (British Explorer)

We can choose what we do but we cannot choose the consequences of what we do.
—Richard G. Scott (American Mormon Religious Leader)

No one can go back and make a brand new start, my friend, but anyone can start from here and make a brand new end.
—Dan Zadra

Inspirational Quotations #217

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It is probably a sound definition of character to say that it is habitual self-mastery toward good ends…. Character is a subtle thing. Its sources are obscure, its roots delicate and invisible. We know it when we see it and it always commands our admiration, and the absence of it our pity; but it is largely a matter of will.
—Leo J. Muir

When we forgive someone, the knots are untied and the past is released.
—Reshad Feild

People, even more than things, have to be restored, renewed, revived, reclaimed, and redeemed; never throw out anyone.
—Audrey Hepburn (Belgian-born British Actor)

The winds of grace are blowing all the time. You have only to raise your sail.
—Ramakrishna Paramahamsa (Indian Hindu Philosopher)

For there we loved, and where we love is home,|Home that our feet may leave, but not our hearts.
—Oliver Wendell Holmes, Sr. (American Physician)

The role of the director is to create a space where the actor or actress can become more than they’ve ever been before, more than they’ve dreamed of being.
—Robert Altman

I feel that the greatest reward for doing is the opportunity to do more.
—Jonas Salk (American Biologist)

Our business in life is not to succeed, but to continue to fail in good spirits.
—Robert Louis Stevenson (Scottish Novelist)

For myself, I am an optimist—it does not seem to be much use being anything else.
—Winston Churchill (British Head of State)

Inspirational Quotations #216

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I am convinced all of humanity is born with more gifts than we know. Most are born geniuses and just get de-geniused rapidly.
—Buckminster Fuller (American Inventor, Philosopher)

Life is not the way it is supposed to be. It’s the way it is. The way you cope with it is what makes the difference.
—Unknown

Hope sees the invisible, feels the intangible and achieves the impossible.
—Unknown

You are never given a wish without also being given the power to make it come true. You may have to work for it, however.
—Richard Bach (American Novelist)

All prosperity begins in the mind and is dependent only upon the full use of our creative imagination.
—Ruth Ross

You can complain that roses have thorns; or rejoice that thorns have roses.
—Ziggy

An idea is never given to you without you being given the power to make it reality. You must, nevertheless, suffer for it.
—Richard Bach (American Novelist)

The miracles of the church seem to me to rest not so much upon faces or voices or healing power coming suddenly near to us from afar off, but upon our perceptions being made finer, so that for a moment our eyes can see and our ears can hear what is there about us always.
—Willa Cather (American Novelist)

The real worth of man is not in himself alone, but what he stands for.
—Sterling W. Sill (American Mormon Religious Leader)

Inspirational Quotations #215

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The wheel of fortune turns round incessantly, and who can say to himself, “I shall to-day be uppermost.”
—Confucius (Chinese Philosopher)

You don’t have to know what to do. You have to do what you know.
—Unknown

The greatest enemy of any one of our truths may be the rest of our truths.
—William James (American Philosopher)

A ship at harbor is safe, but that’s not what the ship was built for.
—Unknown

The three things most difficult are: to keep a secret, to forget an injury, and to make good use of leisure.
—Chilon of Sparta

^TODAY^|Yesterday is gone.|Tomorrow has not yet come.|We have only today. Let us begin.
—Mother Teresa (Albanian Catholic Humanitarian)

Patience in the present, faith in the future, and joy in the doing.
—Unknown

Patience in the present,
faith in the future,
and joy in the doing.
—Unknown

Live every day as if it is your last—and one day you’ll be right.
—Unknown

A ship in harbor is safe, but that is not what ships are built for.
—John Augustus Shedd

Inspirational Quotations #214

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A list of man’s enemies is often a truer guide to his character than a list of his friends.
—Unknown

Value is what people are willing to pay for it.
—John Naisbitt

Life is like riding a bicycle. You don’t fall off unless you stop pedaling.
—Claude Pepper

Live more simply, so that you can find time to enjoy the little pleasures of life.
—Unknown

As the sun that beholds the world is untouched by earthly impurities, so the Spirit that is in all things is untouched by external sufferings.
—The Upanishads

In the face of uncertainty, there is nothing wrong with hope.
—Bernie Siegel

Life brings tears, smiles, and memories: the tears dry, the smile fades, but the memories live on forever.
—Anonymous

Today the world changes so quickly that in growing up we take leave not just of youth but of the world we were young in. Fear and resentment of what is new is really a lament for the memories of our childhood.
—Peter Medawar

Forgiveness is a virtue of the learned. To err is human, to forgive divine.
—Subhashita Manjari

If you place a low value on yourself, you can be sure the world will not overprice you.
—Unknown

Paradise is always where love dwells.
—Jean Paul (German Novelist)