Right Attitudes

Ideas for Impact

Archives for April 2021

Think Your Way Out of a Negative Thought

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The human mind can become more blinkered in times of emotional turmoil.

The reasons for negative thoughts aren’t always logical, but challenging the stimuli with the following probing questions can help you reappraise the situation and distance yourself from the negative thoughts.

  • What am I concerned about?
  • Is this thought mine or someone else’s that I’ve picked up on?
  • Do I believe this thought?
  • Is this thought accurate?
  • Is this thought realistic?
  • Are the barriers and threats really insurmountable?
  • What’s the worst that can happen?
  • Am I too harsh on myself?
  • What can I learn about this thought?
  • What belief is attached to this thought?
  • How can I reframe this thought to be more realistic and pragmatic?
  • How can I cheer myself up as I would a friend?
  • What’s an affirming baby step that I can take now to pick myself up and rectify this situation?

Idea for Impact: How you think about a condition influences how you feel about it. Often a thought-out, levelheaded analysis of the situation can unshackle the mind’s echo chamber and nudge you to think your way out of a problem and look beyond it.

Wondering what to read next?

  1. The Power of Negative Thinking
  2. Cope with Anxiety and Stop Obsessive Worrying by Creating a Worry Box
  3. Seven Ways to Let Go of Regret
  4. Expressive Writing Can Help You Heal
  5. How Thought-Stopping Can Help You Overcome Negative Thinking and Get Unstuck

Tweets, Egos, and Double-Crosses: Summary of Nick Bilton’s ‘Hatching Twitter’

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I spent the weekend reading New York Times technology writer Nick Bilton’s captivating Hatching Twitter: A True Story of Money, Power, Friendship, and Betrayal (2013.) This tome exposes the dark side of Twitter’s tense founding and the relationships amongst the company’s four founders, Evan Williams (@Ev,) Jack Dorsey (@Jack,) Biz Stone (@Biz,) and Noah Glass (@Noah.)

Personal ambitions unleashed a barrage of backstabbing

This motley crew of four San Francisco transplants chanced upon one another when trying to make it in Silicon Valley and became close friends. They started Twitter in 2006 as a side project at Odeo, an ailing podcasting business bankrolled by Evan Williams. With an appealing—albeit frenzied—startup idealism and naïvete, they forged ahead with the notion of a platform that offered everybody an equal voice in 140 characters.

However, when Twitter began to gain traction as a status-sharing service, tensions quickly emerged between the co-founders. The four founders came to blows over just what Twitter was supposed to be and for the right to be recognized as having conceived it.

Lesson #1 from Twitter’s founding: Never mix business and friendship

The Twitter team’s infighting almost tore the microblogging company apart on more than one occasion in its early days. There was even acrimony over who got to sit by First Lady Michelle Obama at a Time 100 Most Influential People soiree.

Noah Glass, the “forgotten founder,” championed it initially and conceived Twitter’s name. Awkwardly, he was booted out before the startup even incorporated. He was left empty-handed from the contraption he had built and fought for when it was still an idea.

Biz Stone, the tactician and go-between, threatened to quit out of disgust with the infighting.

Hatching Twitter is particularly sympathetic to Evan Williams. He bankrolled Twitter as a fork of Odeo. He pivoted Twitter as a means for talking about what is happening in the world. Williams goaded it to prominence simultaneously as he tried in vain to keep Dorsey’s egotism in check.

Lesson #2 from Twitter’s Founding: Self-sabotage can undermine your hard work

For Jack Dorsey, Twitter was always about telling other people what you were doing and making them feel less alone. Williams chose Dorsey as CEO when Twitter formally became its own company. However, their relationship quickly soured. Dorsey failed to address Twitter’s early technical flaws, even as he took plenty of time to pursue hobbies outside of work. Twitter’s venture investors and Williams ultimately overthrew Dorsey.

Dorsey got bitter and launched another startup called Square (it’s now a thriving digital payments company.) Exploiting the public confusion about his role as Twitter’s chairman (albeit without a vote on the board,) Dorsey went on a media blitz to promote himself as Twitter’s sole inventor and the platform’s real brain.

Author Bilton makes Twitter’s founders seem so inept that one marvels at how the company got anywhere. But even as Dorsey and Williams squabbled, Twitter’s users set in motion a cultural phenomenon through retweets, @replies, and #hashtags. These three precepts gave Twitter its unique depth, scope, and versatility.

Later on, Williams got the boot in a coup d’etat orchestrated by a guileful Dorsey. He returned as Twitter’s executive chairman alongside a new chief executive. Dick Costolo, a former professional comic, made Twitter a revenue-earning business and steered it to an IPO.

Lesson #3 from Twitter’s Founding: Distribute credit—There’s plenty to go around

Interpersonal conflicts are the black ice of startups. Individual styles and priorities that are at odds with other founders can cause much drama in entrepreneurship. At the startup companies that I’ve been involved in, rifts have often forced co-founders to press mediators into their service and learn how to embrace conflict and establish boundaries.

When things are going well at any startup, everyone’s too busy to have much to disagree about. When the startup hits the skids, disputes pop up even where you’d least expect them. Some 65% of startups are suspected of failing because of interpersonal tensions within the founding team.

Hatching Twitter excels in shining a light not just on the founders’ conflicting personalities but how their individual dispositions affected what Twitter became:

Jack had the germ of the idea, of people sharing their status … Without Noah’s vision of a service that could connect people who felt alone, and a name that people would remember, Twitter would never exist. It was Ev who insisted on making Twitter about ‘what’s happening ..’. and without Biz’s ethical stance … Twitter would be a very different company.

Hatching Twitter, The Company That Almost Wasn’t

Recommendation: Quick-read Nick Bilton’s Hatching Twitter (2013.) It’s a fast-paced, entertaining back-story to how Twitter was founded and the drama caused by its founders’ personality conflicts and all the alliances and ousters and betrayals.

Nick Bilton tells an exciting saga of rivalries turning to fallings-out, hubris unfolding. As great wealth is built and lost, Facebook’s Mark Zuckerberg notes, “[Twitter is] such as mess—it’s as if they drove a clown car into a gold mine and fell in.” Bilton is gossipy, and his narrative tends to theatrical—an undeniable fodder for an inevitable Hollywood adaptation.

Wondering what to read next?

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  2. Silicon Valley’s Founding Fathers // Book Summary of David Packard’s “HP Way”
  3. FedEx’s ZapMail: A Bold Bet on the Future That Changed Too Fast
  4. Beware of Key-Person Dependency Risk
  5. Evolution, Not Revolution

Inspirational Quotations #890

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Our visions begin with our desires.
—Audre Lorde (American Poet, Feminist)

There is no fatigue so wearisome as that which comes from lack of work.
—Charles Spurgeon (English Baptist Preacher)

Conceit is incompatible with understanding.
—Leo Tolstoy (Russian Novelist)

Outside every fat man there was an even fatter man trying to close in.
—Kingsley Amis (English Novelist, Poet)

How disturbing it is that our illusions are often our most important beliefs.
—Hanif Kureishi (British Novelist, Screenwriter)

Wicked thoughts and worthless efforts gradually set their mark on the face, especially the eyes.
—Arthur Schopenhauer (German Philosopher)

A man never reaches that dizzy height of wisdom that he can no longer be lead by the nose.
—Mark Twain (American Humorist)

Nations without a past are contradictions in terms. What makes a nation is the past, what justifies one nation against others is the past, and historians are the people who produce it.
—Eric Hobsbawm (British Historian)

Think for yourself, question authority.
—Timothy Leary (American Psychologist)

True faith is belief in the reality of absolute values.
—William Motter Inge (American Playwright)

Children are tough, though we tend to think of them as fragile. They have to be tough. Childhood is not easy. We sentimentalize children, but they know what’s real and what’s not. They understand metaphor and symbol. If children are different from us, they are more spontaneous. Grown-up lives have become overlaid with dross.
—Maurice Sendak (American Writer, Illustrator)

If you’ve got it, flaunt it. If you do not, pretend.
—Wally Phillips (American Radio Personality)

Power is the recognition of necessity.
—Abraham Rotstein (Canadian Economist)

If you want creative workers, give them enough time to play.
—John Cleese (British Comic Actor, Writer)

Call for the grandest of all earthly spectacles, what is that? It is the sun going to his rest.
—Thomas de Quincey (English Essayist, Critic)

I have often repented speaking, but never of holding my tongue.
—Xenocrates (Greek Philosopher, Scientist)

I suppose the basic intuition that I have about it is very simply, this is a world in which there is a possibility of things going extraordinarily well or extraordinarily badly, where both the good things and the bad things are bigger than people think.
—Peter Thiel (American Entrepreneur)

Laughter is the corrective force which prevents us from becoming cranks.
—Henri Bergson (French Philosopher)

When you’re dying of thirst it’s too late to think about digging a well.
—Japanese Proverb

To govern is always to choose among disadvantages.
—Charles de Gaulle (French General, Statesman)

Create a Diversity and Inclusion Policy

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The moral and business cases for diversity are well known—a diverse and inclusive workplace earns deeper trust and more commitment from their employees.

Having a diversity and inclusion policy is simply the right thing to do—leaders have to make their values and intentions clear.

As a company, you’re not legally required to have a written diversity and inclusion policy. Nevertheless, it’s a good idea to create and actively use one.

Diversity and inclusion are ongoing initiatives—not one-off training. (Sadly, diversity classes are sometimes just a tactic for reducing employee lawsuits.) A policy encourages your employees to treat others equally with civility and decency and helps managers value employees for their strengths.

In many discrimination claims, employers may have a defense if they can show that they took all reasonable steps to deter discrimination. A comprehensive policy and recent appropriate training can help employers distance themselves from liability for acts such as harassment by an individual perpetrator employed by your company.

A policy also demonstrates that your company takes its legal and moral responsibilities towards being a diverse and inclusive employer earnestly.

Idea for Impact: A strong diversity and inclusion policy can help your company embed good practices—not only across your organization but also throughout your supply chains, including the customers and the communities your company serves.

Wondering what to read next?

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  2. The Speed Trap: How Extreme Pressure Stifles Creativity
  3. From the Inside Out: How Empowering Your Employees Builds Customer Loyalty
  4. Managing the Overwhelmed: How to Coach Stressed Employees
  5. Fire Fast—It’s Heartless to Hang on to Bad Employees

How to Face Your Fear and Move Forward

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The smartest people I know of are those who realize that fear can be immobilizing. They understand that being so afraid of failing at something can push them to decide not to try it at all.

Consider American billionaire Philip Anschutz’s meditations upon his induction to the Horatio Alger Association of Distinguished Americans, 2000:

I’ve had a lot of failures and made mistakes, and it’s important to know that none of these are irreversible in your life. You can fix them. Failure is part of the game. You’ve got to have them, and you should do things every day that scare you a little. You’ve got to take risks, and you’ve to make hard decisions—even when you yourself are in doubt. It’s not failure, but the fear of failure that stops most people.

Idea for Impact: Don’t let fear stop you from moving forward.

Fear of failure has a way of undermining your own efforts to avoid the possibility of a larger failure. But when you allow fear to hinder your forward progress in life, you’re destined to miss some great opportunities along the way.

One of the most powerful ways of reducing the fear of failing is to analyze all potential outcomes, have a contingency plan, and start small. Be open to constantly revising your understanding, changing your mind, and cutting your losses. Be open to reconsidering a problem you think you’ve already solved.

Wondering what to read next?

  1. What Are You So Afraid Of? // Summary of Susan Jeffers’s ‘Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway’
  2. How to Turn Your Fears into Fuel
  3. Resilience Through Rejection
  4. Fear Isn’t the Enemy—Paralysis Is
  5. What You Most Fear Doing is What You Most Need to Do

Nobody Wants Your Unsolicited Advice

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Unsolicited advice may be motivated by a genuine interest in helping. Still, it could have roots in a narcissistic desire to prove yourself useful or establish your dominance or elevated understanding of things.

If you’re inclined to fly your own kite, your heart may not in the right place.

Getting your unsolicited advice can leave other people feeling resentful. They may refuse to give in. They may perceive your “just being helpful” as a transgression and an affront to their freedoms to do as they wish. Nobody wants to be told that they’re on the wrong path or that their decisions are misguided.

Idea for Impact: Giving Unsolicited Advice is Invasive. Reactance theory causes people to resist the social influence of others. People believe that they possess certain freedoms to engage in—and unsolicited advice can threaten this sense of free behaviors.

Now, to turn the tables, if someone offers you unsolicited advice, assume the advice-giver’s good intentions, express thanks to the advice-giver, then accept or reject the advice solely on its merits. Too, consider your relationship with that person. If they’re a stranger whom you may never see again, offer a polite response, and move on. If they’re a co-worker or a family member, have a conversation on setting boundaries.

Wondering what to read next?

  1. What’s Wrong With Giving Advice
  2. Avoid Control Talk
  3. ‘I Told You So’
  4. Signs Your Helpful Hand Might Stray to Sass
  5. Listen to Understand, Not to Respond

Chime in Last

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As a meeting’s thought-leader, or be seen as a decision-maker or arbiter, chime in last.

On an important topic, hear everyone out and withhold your judgments until the end. By speaking first, you’ll cast undue influence over the proceedings.

When you’re ready to speak, restate the meeting’s purpose. Call attention to the essential decision to be made. Acknowledge everyone’s points and counterpoints. Push for the next steps.

Spread your thanks liberally—acknowledge the contributions everyone has made. Be prepared to concede tangents, pitfalls, or different perspectives and points of view.

Concentrate on the outcome. It’s the result that matters, not your role in it.

Idea for Impact: Best of all, speaking last empowers you to incorporate the best of what’s been said and be diplomatic about appealing to everyone’s interests. Chiming in last also allows you to manage the alignment of everyone’s expectations and evade unanticipated criticisms of your viewpoints.

Wondering what to read next?

  1. The Sensitivity of Politics in Today’s Contentious Climate
  2. What Happens When You Talk About Too Many Goals
  3. Ghosting is Rude
  4. How to Be a Great Conversationalist: Ask for Stories
  5. Stop asking, “What do you do for a living?”

Ask for Forgiveness, Not Permission

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A long time ago, I heard the managerial maxim, “you will move as fast as you can make decisions.” Amen to that.

That complements the mantra “’tis better to seek forgiveness than to ask permission”—that’s the oft-repeated rallying cry of entrepreneurial thinking.

You need to know when you shouldn’t—and can’t—wait for someone else’s approval to do the things you need to do to succeed. Every time you ask for buy-in, approval, or agreement, you’ll slow yourself down.

Depending on what’s at stake, you’ve got to know when moving forward does need consent. As with everything, you want to know your manager, team, partner, or spouse, how they operate, and their expectations for the group effort. If something’s an important-enough decision with high stakes, they’ll want to be in the loop.

Idea for Impact: Live speed. Where possible, don’t let dilly-dallying for permission endanger your decision-making success. It’s not about taking advantage of situations but about knowing when to push the boundaries. Where possible, aggressively move forward on your own and “get it done.”

Wondering what to read next?

  1. How to Mediate in a Dispute
  2. How Understanding Your Own Fears Makes You More Attuned to Those of Others
  3. Making the Nuances Count in Decisions
  4. How to Speak Up in Meetings and Disagree Tactfully
  5. Thanks, But No Thanks: Well-Intentioned Reminders Can Resurface Old Wounds

Don’t Hide from Your Feelings, Accept Them

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When you’re feeling upset, angry, stressed, or sad, don’t deny, withhold, or hide from your feelings. Think about what it is that’s making you feel this way.

Emotional Acceptance refers to the willingness and ability to accept and experience negative emotions—to acknowledge and absorb them. Jan Chozen Bays, a pediatrician-turned Zen teacher, writes in Mindfulness on the Go: Simple Meditation Practices You Can Do Anywhere (2014,) a practical guide for engaging the mind,

A very important way to work with discomfort is to stop avoiding it. You will walk right into it and feel from within the body what is true. You investigate the discomfort—its size, shape, surface texture and even its color and sound. Is it constant or intermittent? When you are this attentive, when your meditative absorption is deep, what we call discomfort or pain begins to shift and even disappear. It becomes a series of sensations just appearing and disappearing in empty space, twinkling on and off. It is most interesting.

Mindfulness practice needn’t be just for negative emotions, either. Are you feeling happy and joyful? Calm and content? Apprehensive or remorseful? No matter the case, taking stock of how you’re feeling can help you realize that your emotions do not represent you. They don’t have to define your thoughts.

Practicing this self-reflective process regularly will help you better understand yourself, break negative patterns in your life, and react to emotional situations in a wholesome, more productive way.

Idea for Impact: Practice Emotional Acceptance—Feeling Bad Can Be Good

Emotional avoidance appears to be a reasonable thing to do. Yes, it provides momentary relief in the here and now. But emotional avoidance often involves denying the truth—and that isn’t a good foundation for a healthy life.

Over time, it only makes things worse to avoid the thing that scares you. Create the awareness to feel your feelings, label them, accept them, and then let them fade.

Wondering what to read next?

  1. Think Your Way Out of a Negative Thought
  2. How to … Silence Your Inner Critic with Gentle Self-Compassion
  3. How to Stop a Worry Spiral
  4. Cope with Anxiety and Stop Obsessive Worrying by Creating a Worry Box
  5. Seven Ways to Let Go of Regret

Inspirational Quotations #889

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It’s better to live as your own man than as a fool in someone else’s dream.
—Martin Landau (American Actor)

The superior man is he who develops in harmonious proportions, his moral, intellectual, and physical nature. This should be the end at which men of all classes should aim, and it is this only which constitutes real greatness.
—Douglas William Jerrold (English Dramatist)

When morality comes up against profit, it is seldom that profit loses.
—Shirley Chisholm (American Politician)

Like a stone That rolls down a hill, I have come to this day.
—Takuboku Ishikawa (Japanese Poet)

The magnificent and the ridiculous are so close that they touch.
—Bernard le Bovier de Fontenelle (French Man of Letters)

Faith assuages, guides, restores.
—Arthur Rimbaud (French Poet)

The lessons taught in great books are misleading. The commerce in life is rarely so simple and never so just.
—Anita Brookner (English Novelist, Art Historian)

Introspect daily, detect diligently, negate ruthlessly.
—Swami Chinmayananda (Indian Hindu Spiritual Teacher)

Man is born to seek power, yet his actual condition makes him a slave to the power of others.
—Hans Morgenthau (American Political Scientist)

It is a poor wit who lives by borrowing the words, decisions, mien, inventions, and actions of others.
—Johann Kaspar Lavater (Swiss Theologian, Poet)

The more clearly we can focus our attention on the wonders and realities of the universe about us, the less taste we shall have for destruction.
—Rachel Carson (American Biologist)

It is with life just as with swimming; that man is the most expert who is the most disengaged from all encumbrances.
—Apuleius (Roman Prose Writer)

Life is neither a good nor an evil, but simply the scene of good and evil.
—Seneca the Younger (Lucius Annaeus Seneca) (Roman Stoic Philosopher)

I confess that I cannot understand how we can plot, lie, cheat and commit murder abroad and remain humane, honorable, trustworthy and trusted at home.
—Archibald Cox (American Lawyer)

The will to prepare is more important that the will to win.
—LaVell Edwards (American Football Coach)

Brevity is the best recommendation of speech, whether in a senator or an orator.
—Cicero (Roman Philosopher)

I realized early on that the academy and the literary world alike—and I don’t think there really is a distinction between the two—are always dominated by fools, knaves, charlatans and bureaucrats. And that being the case, any human being, male or female, of whatever status, who has a voice of her or his own, is not going to be liked.
—Harold Bloom (American Literary Critic, Author)

Life is one long jubilee.
—Ira Gershwin (American Lyricist)