Today marks the birthday of Anthony de Mello (1931–87,) a Jesuit priest from India and author of many books on spirituality.
In his writings and workshops, de Mello combined beliefs from Taoism, Buddhism, Sufism, and other Eastern spiritual traditions with Christian theology. He gained much admiration in the United States and Spain for his unconventional approach to priesthood and storytelling. The Roman Catholic Church, however, did not entirely endorse his works because they included many philosophical elements of Oriental wisdom.
De Mello’s popular books on spirituality and mysticism include Sadhana (1984,) One Minute Wisdom (1988,) and The Way to Love (1992.)
Inspirational Quotations by Anthony de Mello
Do you want a sign that you’re asleep? Here it is: you’re suffering. Suffering is a sign that you’re out of touch with the truth. Suffering is given to you that you might open your eyes to the truth, that you might understand that there’s falsehood somewhere, just as physical pain is given to you so you will understand that there is disease or illness somewhere. Suffering occurs when you clash with reality. When your illusions clash with reality, when your falsehoods clash with truth, then you have suffering. Otherwise there is no suffering.
—Anthony de Mello (Indian-born American Theologian)
As the great Confucius said, “The one who would be in constant happiness must frequently change”. Flow. But we keep looking back, don’t we? We cling to things in the past and cling to things in the present…Do you want to enjoy a symphony? Don’t hold on to a few bars of the music. Don’t hold on to a couple of notes. Let them pass, let them flow. The whole enjoyment of a symphony lies in your readiness to allow the notes to pass…
—Anthony de Mello (Indian-born American Theologian)
People mistakenly assume that their thinking is done by their head; it is actually done by the heart which first dictates the conclusion, then commands the head to provide the reasoning that will defend it.
—Anthony de Mello (Indian-born American Theologian)
Perfect love casts out fear. Where there is love there are no demands, no expectations, no dependency. I do not demand that you make me happy; my happiness does not lie in you. If you were to leave me, I will not feel sorry for myself; I enjoy your company immensely, but I do not cling.
—Anthony de Mello (Indian-born American Theologian)
When you cling, life is destroyed; when you hold on to anything, you cease to live.
—Anthony de Mello (Indian-born American Theologian)
Don’t say, “I am depressed”. If you want to say, “It is depressed,” that’s all right. If you want to say that depression is there, that’s fine; if you want to say gloominess is there, that’s fine. But not: I am gloomy. You’re defining yourself in terms of the feeling. That’s your illusion; that’s your mistake. There is a depression there right now, but let it be, leave it alone. It will pass. Everything passes, everything. Your depressions and your thrills have nothing to do with happiness. Those are swings of the pendulum. If you seek kicks or thrills, get ready for depression. Do you want your drug? Get ready for the hangover. One end of the pendulum swings over to the other.
—Anthony de Mello (Indian-born American Theologian)
Get rid of your fear of failure, your tensions about succeeding, you will be yourself. Relaxed. You wouldn’t be driving with your brakes on. That’s what would happen.
—Anthony de Mello (Indian-born American Theologian)
There is only one cause of unhappiness: the false beliefs you have in your head, beliefs so widespread, so commonly held, that it never occurs to you to question them.
—Anthony de Mello (Indian-born American Theologian)
Why don’t I see goodness and beauty everywhere? Because you cannot see outside of you what you fail to see inside.
—Anthony de Mello (Indian-born American Theologian)
I was neurotic for years. I was anxious and depressed and selfish. Everyone kept telling me to change. I resented them and I agreed with them, and I wanted to change, but simply couldn’t, no matter how hard I tried. Then one day someone said to me, Don’t change. I love you just as you are. Those words were music to my ears: Don’t change, Don’t change. Don’t change … I love you as you are. I relaxed. I came alive. And suddenly I changed!
—Anthony de Mello (Indian-born American Theologian)
To a disciple who was forever complaining about others the Master said, “If it is peace you want, seek to change yourself, not other people. It is easier to protect your feet with slippers than to carpet the whole of the earth.”
—Anthony de Mello (Indian-born American Theologian)
You’re not living until it doesn’t matter a tinker’s damn to you whether you live or die. At that point you live. When you’re ready to lose your life, you live it.
—Anthony de Mello (Indian-born American Theologian)