Body Language #2: Keeping Good Eye Contact [Ideas for Impact #35]
July 3rd, 2008 at 4:40 pm (Self Development, Effective Communication, Ideas for Impact)

“The eyes are the mirror of the soul.”
- A Yiddish Proverb
Our eyes play a major role in our interpersonal communication. The eyes express our moods and reactions more overtly than does other body language. By and large, observant people can attempt to understand our attitudes through the nature of our eye contact, our facial expressions and body language.
When we meet other people, we usually observe their eyes first. When we speak, we tend to look other’s eyes. And, in return, we expect our audience to look at our eyes and pay their undivided attention. Hence, making and keeping good eye contact with others is an important habit.
Trick used by President John F. Kennedy
The Reader’s Digest guide ‘How to Write and Speak Better’ notes a technique used by President John F Kennedy.
When people look and listen they tend to focus on one eye rather than both. Kennedy, however, would look from eye to eye when he listened, softening the expression in his own eyes at the same time, and so giving the impression that he cared greatly about the speaker’s feelings.
Trick: Make a Mental Note of Their Eye Color
The ‘Success Begins Today‘ blog cites a technique from Nicholas Boothman’s book, ‘How to Connect in Business in 90 Seconds or Less.’
Eye contact and smile … it’s a simple courtesy and leads to a relaxed conversation. If you tend to be a shy person, this may be somewhat difficult for you. You may tend to look down or away when greeting someone. This can break the conversation right away.
When you meet or greet someone for the first time, just make a mental note of their eye color. This simple technique is amazingly effective. If you are looking for their eye color you’ll automatically make eye contact for a second or two.

Keeping Eye Contact in Conversations
When people maintain eye contact during a conversation, others usually interpret the eye contact as a sign of interest, confidence, honesty, compassion and sympathy depending on the nature of the conversation. Failure to maintain eye contact may be interpreted as signs of suppression of emotions or truth, distraction, disagreement, confusion, reticence or lack of interest. Further, when people react to blame or accusation or are provoked into defensiveness or aggressiveness, their eye contact increase considerably—often, their pupils dilate.
Individual Differences
Many people, due to innate shyness or cultural background, tend to evade or curtail eye contact. They do not realize that, even if they are sincere and confident, their lack of eye contact could inadvertently communicate insincerity and lack of self-assurance.
Cultural Differences
The amount of eye contact varies dramatically in different cultures. In Asian cultures, for instance, where formal social structures (age, experience, social status, etc.) exist, eye contact with somebody superior can be offending. In some parts of India, men and women do not keep eye contact with their in-laws, out of respect. In most cultures, a longer eye contact while interacting with the other gender may be read as a sign of intimacy and expression of interest.

Gender Differences
- Between men, prolonged eye contact may signal aggression or intent to dominate–especially so during acquaintance or if the men are not completely familiar with each other’s expectations. Although more contact is tolerable as a relationship grows, eye contact needs to be broken often.
- Women tend to maintain better eye contact in conversations with other women–more so with friends and family than with strangers. Generally, women interpret eye contact as a sign of trust and compassion.
- Prolonged eye contact, an intent-look in particular, between men and women may quickly be interpreted as a sign of intimate interest. In the absence of romantic interest, concentrated eye contact must be avoided.
Avoid Staring and Gazing into Somebody’s Eyes
Staring or gazing at other individuals is typically awkward, sometimes intimidating. Never overdo an eye contact. Break eye contact often.
Call for Action: Keep Eye Contact
People who keep good eye contact are usually seen as personable, self-assured and confident. In the context of cultural backgrounds of the people around you, consider what messages your eye contact and body language may be unconsciously communicating about you. A firm handshake and a smile at the onset of a meeting, and eye contact throughout your conversations can establish a good impression of you.
Recommended Reading
- Personal Spaces for Social Interaction: Intimate space, casual space, social space and public space
***See other articles related to Body language, etiquette, personality development, cross-cultural interaction, interaction, interpersonal skills, people skills

When we delegate tasks–that is [discuss] assignments in terms of processes or steps to take–we run the risk of people doing exactly what we say, but still not getting the job done as we hoped. But if we delegate desired outcomes–that is what we want to result from the assignment–it’s more likely that that’s what will be accomplished.
Do not take notes. You will be more present in the interaction and you can concentrate more. And the more you do it, the better you remember.
All of the suggestions in the article are trite and obvious. When I discuss such desired behaviors in my seminars or during one-on-one coaching sessions, I can sense my audience negligently declaring, “I know that.” My response is usually along the lines of “Sure, you know that. And, tell me how and where do you apply these ideas in your everyday interactions?”
If your research is thorough and conclusions are logical, each decision-maker you meet ahead of a presentation may accept the contents of your presentation and agree to support your presentation.
Prevents Blindsiding: Clearly, the biggest advantage of discussing a presentation with key decision-makers ahead of a group presentation is that it keeps you “from getting blindsided by major objections to your solution.” By avoiding surprises, you ensure each participant’s backing to your conclusions.
When things don’t go according to plan, an apology provides the opportunity to offer the Customer an assurance that you care about their feelings. An apology lets you reach out to the Customers who are affected by acknowledging the disruption/inconvenience, offering your assistance, providing an explanation, and letting them know you’re working to prevent a repeat performance (if applicable).
Here is an example. Suppose you promised to watch a movie with your spouse on 


Type 4 is the toughest call of all: the manager who doesn’t share the values, but delivers the numbers. This type is the toughest to part with because organizations always want to deliver and to let someone go who gets the job done is yet another unnatural act. But we have to remove these Type 4s because they have the power, by themselves, to destroy the open, informal, trust-based culture we need to win today and tomorrow.
Organizations face the challenge of developing and sustaining a culture that is both values-centered and performance-driven. They begin by developing mission and value statements that, in due course, become little more than wall decorations because the organization’s leaders and managers fail to uphold these values.

The core idea behind Merlin’s system of productivity with emails is the practice of maintaining a blank inbox by processing all emails each time you check email. “You never check your email without processing to zero.”
Defer: If you cannot act on an email in a minute or two, hit the ‘Reply’ button to start responding to the email and then save a draft of the reply for future action. Then, delete the original (incoming) email or move it to an appropriate folder. Add the task to your to-do list. When you have completed the task and have all the information necessary to respond, resume composing the draft email and send the email. Your ‘Draft’ folder thus supplements to your to-do list. If appropriate, reserve an hour or two each afternoon to collect information, complete all such tasks and clear your ‘Draft’ folder.
Evaluate the ‘
