Right Attitudes » Ideas for Impact » by Nagesh Belludi

“The eyes are the mirror of the soul.”
- A Yiddish Proverb

Our eyes play a major role in our interpersonal communication. The eyes express our moods and reactions more overtly than does other body language. By and large, observant people can attempt to understand our attitudes through the nature of our eye contact, our facial expressions and body language.

When we meet other people, we usually observe their eyes first. When we speak, we tend to look other’s eyes. And, in return, we expect our audience to look at our eyes and pay their undivided attention. Hence, making and keeping good eye contact with others is an important habit.

Trick used by President John F. Kennedy

The Reader’s Digest guide ‘How to Write and Speak Better’ notes a technique used by President John F Kennedy.

When people look and listen they tend to focus on one eye rather than both. Kennedy, however, would look from eye to eye when he listened, softening the expression in his own eyes at the same time, and so giving the impression that he cared greatly about the speaker’s feelings.

Trick: Make a Mental Note of Their Eye Color

The ‘Success Begins Today‘ blog cites a technique from Nicholas Boothman’s book, ‘How to Connect in Business in 90 Seconds or Less.’

Eye contact and smile … it’s a simple courtesy and leads to a relaxed conversation. If you tend to be a shy person, this may be somewhat difficult for you. You may tend to look down or away when greeting someone. This can break the conversation right away.

When you meet or greet someone for the first time, just make a mental note of their eye color. This simple technique is amazingly effective. If you are looking for their eye color you’ll automatically make eye contact for a second or two.

Keeping Eye Contact in Conversations

When people maintain eye contact during a conversation, others usually interpret the eye contact as a sign of interest, confidence, honesty, compassion and sympathy depending on the nature of the conversation. Failure to maintain eye contact may be interpreted as signs of suppression of emotions or truth, distraction, disagreement, confusion, reticence or lack of interest. Further, when people react to blame or accusation or are provoked into defensiveness or aggressiveness, their eye contact increase considerably—often, their pupils dilate.

Individual Differences

Many people, due to innate shyness or cultural background, tend to evade or curtail eye contact. They do not realize that, even if they are sincere and confident, their lack of eye contact could inadvertently communicate insincerity and lack of self-assurance.

Cultural Differences

The amount of eye contact varies dramatically in different cultures. In Asian cultures, for instance, where formal social structures (age, experience, social status, etc.) exist, eye contact with somebody superior can be offending. In some parts of India, men and women do not keep eye contact with their in-laws, out of respect. In most cultures, a longer eye contact while interacting with the other gender may be read as a sign of intimacy and expression of interest.

Gender Differences

• Between men, prolonged eye contact may signal aggression or intent to dominate–especially so during acquaintance or if the men are not completely familiar with each other’s expectations. Although more contact is tolerable as a relationship grows, eye contact needs to be broken often.
• Women tend to maintain better eye contact in conversations with other women–more so with friends and family than with strangers. Generally, women interpret eye contact as a sign of trust and compassion.
• Prolonged eye contact, an intent-look in particular, between men and women may quickly be interpreted as a sign of intimate interest. In the absence of romantic interest, concentrated eye contact must be avoided.

Avoid Staring and Gazing into Somebody’s Eyes

Staring or gazing at other individuals is typically awkward, sometimes intimidating. Never overdo an eye contact. Break eye contact often.

Call for Action: Keep Eye Contact

People who keep good eye contact are usually seen as personable, self-assured and confident. In the context of cultural backgrounds of the people around you, consider what messages your eye contact and body language may be unconsciously communicating about you. A firm handshake and a smile at the onset of a meeting, and eye contact throughout your conversations can establish a good impression of you.

Recommended Reading

• Personal Spaces for Social Interaction: Intimate space, casual space, social space and public space

***See other articles related to Body language, etiquette, personality development, cross-cultural interaction, interaction, interpersonal skills, people skills

Delegating Outcomes

Delegation, the art of getting things done through other people, is one of the key building blocks of effective management. Managers who cannot delegate effectively tend to lack the time for their key responsibilities and often fail to manage their team well.

When managers ask a team member to do something, they usually describe the tasks in terms of specific methods/actions. Executive coach Barry Zweibel describes the pitfalls of this common approach.

When we delegate tasks–that is [discuss] assignments in terms of processes or steps to take–we run the risk of people doing exactly what we say, but still not getting the job done as we hoped. But if we delegate desired outcomes–that is what we want to result from the assignment–it’s more likely that that’s what will be accomplished.

Barry presents three examples:

1. When a customer complaint needs to be addressed, instead of “Here, go talk to this person,” try, “Here, go make this customer happy again.”
2. When a vendor order needs to be expedited, instead of “Here, go track this order,” try, “Here, go insure the successful - and timely - delivery of this order.”
3. When recent sales figures are below expectations, instead of “Here, go research this report,” try, “Here, go determine what needs to be done to get these numbers back on track.”

Call for Action

Clearly, by delegating outcomes–with the authority and resources needed,–you enhance a team member’s responsibility to get the job done.

• By explaining the outcome of an assignment in reference to the relevant context, you broaden the team member’s perspective on the problem. This increases his/her ability to absorb the assignment and be an integral part of the outcome and the consequent achievement.
• Do not tell a team member what actions to take or how to complete an assignment. This approach fof micromanaging work is not empowering–it certainly limits the team member’s initiative. Give him/her an opportunity to own the assignment and work in his/her own unique way.
• If the team member asks for advice on what steps to take, offer a few options and allow him/her to choose the appropriate option. In general, people hate to be told what to do. Thus, providing a few options empowers the team member to explore these options further and decide on the best path by himself/herself.

The key to effective delegation is to approach delegation as an offer to present to a team member, not a demand to be made. Delegating outcomes–not just tasks–helps managers skillfully present assignments to their team members and empowers them to get the job done.

***Related article: Failing to distinguish accountability from responsibility

***See other articles related to effective delegation, managerial skills, team skills, accountability, responsibility, managing people, perspective

Lessons of Silence

Bruno Kahne, a corporate consultant for the aeronautical industry, shares how deaf people helped his corporate clients be effective communicators. His article appears on the website of the strategy+business magazine, published by management consulting firm Booz & Company. See full article or PDF file. Below is a summary of the article.

Through their “handicap,” deaf people develop certain communication skills more thoroughly than most hearing people, which make them uncommonly effective at getting their point across. When they interact with one another, deaf people act in ways that let them communicate more rapidly and accurately than hearing people.

To improve your “hearing,” consider some of these lessons from our experiences and training sessions.

1. Do not take notes. You will be more present in the interaction and you can concentrate more. And the more you do it, the better you remember.
2. Don’t interrupt. A deaf person ensures that he or she first understands the other speaker before trying to be understood. Try this the next time you’re in a business discussion, ideally one in which there’s some tension — let the other person finish what he or she has to say, then silently count to three before responding.
3. Say what you mean, as simply as possible. Deaf people are direct. They reveal not only their thoughts, but also their feelings, both positive and negative, more clearly than hearing people do, as they express them with their whole bodies. Similarly, the deaf are often far better than hearing people at finding the most economical way to convey their message.
4. When you don’t understand something, ask. Deaf people feel completely at ease saying “I don’t know” or “I don’t understand.” Those of us with hearing aren’t nearly as willing to admit confusion or lack of comprehension. We often sit silently in meetings while our colleagues use acronyms or technical jargon we don’t grasp because we think asking for clarification is a sign of weakness.
5. Stay focused. The deaf cut themselves off from any distractions, they don’t multitask, and they focus their attention entirely on the conversation.

Overall, the most inspiring thing about communication with deaf people — and the behavior most worth emulating — is their incredibly strong desire to exchange information efficiently and without adornment.

Call for Action

All of the suggestions in the article are trite and obvious. When I discuss such desired behaviors in my seminars or during one-on-one coaching sessions, I can sense my audience negligently declaring, “I know that.” My response is usually along the lines of “Sure, you know that. And, tell me how and where do you apply these ideas in your everyday interactions?”

Most of the articles I write on this blog are about simple ideas. I hope my articles serve as a reminder of key principles and help you tune-up your communications and behaviors. As you read through my articles, instead of declaring, “I know that,” ask, “How do/can I apply these principles in my everyday interactions?” Take responsibility for the effectiveness of your communications and your ability to influence and get the results you desire.

***See other articles related to effective communication, meetings, listening, note-taking, comprehension, technical jargon

***Via ‘I can see what they’re saying,’ Doc Searls at Harvard

In “The McKinsey Way,” author Ethan M. Rasiel presents numerous insights to problem solving, analytical reasoning and effective communication practiced at McKinsey and Company, one of the world’s foremost management-consulting firms.

Pre-Wiring a Presentation

Pre-wiring a presentation involves discussing your findings and recommendations with key decision-makers independently ahead of a group presentation. By getting various participants’ buy-in to the contents of your presentation, you ensure their support to your conclusions and avoid surprise reactions and disagreements.

There should be no surprises on the day of the presentation. All the major players should be taken through the solution in private. This way, necessary negotiation, compromise, and new facts that are integral to the acceptance of the proposal will be integrated by the time of the presentation. Pre-wiring removes much of the good to what risk from the presentation and allows the team to shine.

Following the practice of pre-wiring at McKinsey, organizations such as Wipro Technologies have started promoting pre-wiring. See article from Fast Company magazine.

Possible Reactions to a Pre-wired Presentation

• If your research is thorough and conclusions are logical, each decision-maker you meet ahead of a presentation may accept the contents of your presentation and agree to support your presentation.
• During the course of your conversations, you may uncover new details that may compel you to adjust your conclusions. Quite possibly, you may have to negotiate and make compromises in your conclusions.
• If a key decision-maker raises objections to your conclusions, you may rethink through your entire analysis and develop an alternate solution to the problem at hand.

Benefits of Pre-wiring a Presentation

• Prevents Blindsiding: Clearly, the biggest advantage of discussing a presentation with key decision-makers ahead of a group presentation is that it keeps you “from getting blindsided by major objections to your solution.” By avoiding surprises, you ensure each participant’s backing to your conclusions.
• Helps Get Buy-In: Presentations are usually time-constrained. There may not be sufficient time to describe finer aspects of your research, your deductions and recommended actions. Meeting with individual participants can help you supply all the relevant details to each participant, help him/her appreciate how your recommendations may affect him/her and get a buy-in.
• Develops Perspective: Presenting your findings to individuals allows you to gather additional inputs that help you develop a broader perspective. You may uncover new details that may compel you to adjust your conclusions.
• Helps prepare for the final presentation and tailor your message to suit the audience.

Concluding Thoughts

Pre-wiring a presentation improves the likelihood that your audience will identify with your approach and consent to your recommendations.

Related Articles

• Establishing Credibility for Persuasion: How to research and deduce concrete inferences in support of your positions

***See other articles related to persuasive communication, persuasion, selling ideas, effective presentations, McKinsey

Value of Apology in Customer Service

Southwest Airlines is perhaps one of best-run airlines in the world and a pioneer of the low-cost-carrier model. The company’s culture and focus on customer service are legendary. A recent article on the company’s official blog discusses the value of apologies.

Don’t be afraid to say “I’m sorry.”

People often misunderstand the intent of an apology. It is not an admission of fault. It’s an acknowledgment of a bad experience-no matter what happened. It’s doesn’t mean the Customer is always right-there’s no need to support, tolerate, or reward abusive behavior.

When things don’t go according to plan, an apology provides the opportunity to offer the Customer an assurance that you care about their feelings. An apology lets you reach out to the Customers who are affected by acknowledging the disruption/inconvenience, offering your assistance, providing an explanation, and letting them know you’re working to prevent a repeat performance (if applicable).

If you don’t know the answer to a question, it’s okay to admit that-just don’t speculate and be sure you let the Customer know that you will try to provide them with an answer within a reasonable timeframe.

Call for Action: Learn to Express Regret

In business, social or personal settings, many of us balk at offering apologies, even if we are wrong. We do not realize that a sincere expression of regret is healing: an honest ‘I am sorry’ can soften negative emotions (anger, resentment, etc.) our actions trigger in other people. An apology can restore goodwill and mend relationships.

Here are three steps to an apology.

1. Take responsibility and acknowledge the impact of your actions. “I realize … I caused …”
2. Express regret for your actions. “I am sorry.”
3. Offer a remedy and pledge to change. “I will improve.”

Here is an example. Suppose you promised to watch a movie with your spouse on Valentine’s Day. However, your boss asked you to attend a late-evening teleconference with an international client. You could not go home in good time for the movie. Your spouse is upset. Say, “I realize I am late for the movie. I regret I did not excuse myself from the meeting early. I am sorry. Shall we watch the movie on Friday evening?”

The secret to truthful apologies is to keep your apology-statements straightforward and short. Do not attempt to explain or rationalize your behavior–these just dilute the sincerity of your apology.

Related Articles

• Expressing regret or apologizing is critical component of leadership — excerpt from Marshall Goldsmith’s ‘What Got You Here Won’t Get You There.’

***See other articles related to Expressing regret, apologizing, saying sorry, handling mistakes, leadership skills, people skills

Ever wonder how a waiter/waitress serving an eight-seat table at a restaurant remembers each guest’s food orders? At many restaurants, the order-sheets contain a layout of the table and a letter or number associated with every seat. As each guest orders food, the waiter/waitress writes down the order along with the letter or number associated with that guest’s seat.

At Southwest Airlines, flight attendants go to every seat, ask customers for their choice of beverage, and record the passenger’s choice on a seat-map.

Blogger Adam Gurno presents an extension of the two practices listed above for remembering names around a table at a meeting.

1. Draw a quick map of the table/layout of the meeting. Place yourself on it, to give yourself a reference point.
2. As people introduce themselves around the table, fill them in. If you feel last names are necessary add those too, but don’t do it at the expense of writing down someone else’s name. You can guess at the last names later. If you miss one, leave it blank and fill it in as soon as you can - if someone else refers to them, etc, etc.
3. If everyone introduces themselves, try and jot down as much information as possible. If you think that you will run across them later, include information that will help you recognize them down the road.
4. Refer back to the map during the meeting when you are going to need to speak. This way you will be prepared with a person’s name.

Positive impressions are invaluable. As we discussed in a previous blog article, remembering names is an important social skill — mastering this skill can offer a distinct advantage in networking and building relationships.

***See other articles related to personality development, networking, building relationships, leadership skills, people skills, interpersonal skills

Four Types of Managers

Jack Welch, Chairman and CEO of General Electric from 1981 to 2001, described four categories of managers in General Electric’s year 2000 annual report.

Type 1: shares our values; makes the numbers — sky’s the limit!

Type 2: shares the values; misses the numbers — typically, another chance, or two.

Type 3: doesn’t share the values; doesn’t make the numbers — gone.

Type 4 is the toughest call of all: the manager who doesn’t share the values, but delivers the numbers. This type is the toughest to part with because organizations always want to deliver and to let someone go who gets the job done is yet another unnatural act. But we have to remove these Type 4s because they have the power, by themselves, to destroy the open, informal, trust-based culture we need to win today and tomorrow.

We made our leap forward when we began removing our Type 4 managers and making it clear to the entire company why they were asked to leave — not for the usual “personal reasons” or “to pursue other opportunities,” but for not sharing our values. Until an organization develops the courage to do this, people will never have full confidence that these soft values are truly real.

Living by Values

Organizations face the challenge of developing and sustaining a culture that is both values-centered and performance-driven. They begin by developing mission and value statements that, in due course, become little more than wall decorations because the organization’s leaders and managers fail to uphold these values.

Nothing hurts morale more than when leaders tolerate employees who deliver results, but exhibit behaviors that are incongruent to values of the company. For instance, an organization that thrives on teamwork will suffer, over the long term, if a manager habitually claims all credit for his team’s accomplishments.

Call for Action

As a manager, drive accountability. Hold employees responsible for their behaviors. Reward employees for proper behaviors and publicly discourage behaviors that do not uphold values. Do not make exceptions — exceptions signify your own indifference to the upholding of values.

As an employee, understand that an essential requirement for your success in your organization is your fit. Your behaviors must be congruent with the character and needs of your organization. Even if you are talented, you will not fare well if your behaviors are inconsistent with the values of your organization. Reflect on your behavior. On a regular basis, collect feedback from your managers, peers and employees. Seek change.

***See other articles related to credibility, leadership skills, managerial skills, values, mission, behaviors, attitudes

Today, (30-Jan-08,) is the 60th anniversary of the assassination of Mahatma Gandhi. A few months after India secured her independence from Britain, an extremist shot Gandhi point-blank after a prayer meeting at the Birla House in Delhi. Richard Attenborough’s much-admired motion picture ‘Gandhi’ narrates this event twice: once at the start of the movie illustrating the assassin walking towards Gandhi and a second time at the end of the movie depicting Gandhi walking out from the prayer meeting and facing the assassin.

A Quote, a Fable

One of Mahatma Gandhi’s most popular quotations is, “You must be the change you wish to see in the world.” Here is a widely believed — although unverified — story of the origin of this quotation.

During the 1930s, a young boy had become obsessed with eating sugar. His mother failed to convince him to kick the habit. She decided to take him to Gandhi. The Mahatma (Great Soul) was highly revered across the country — perhaps his instruction could convince her son to cut back on sugar.

At Gandhi’s ashram (hermitage,) the mother recounted her difficulty and requested Gandhi to direct her son. Gandhi deliberated for a minute and replied, “Please come back after a week. I will talk to your son.”

The mother and her son revisited Gandhi the following week. Gandhi smiled at the boy and directed him, “You must stop eating sugar.” The boy admitted, “Forgive me, bapu (father.) I will follow your advice.”

The mother was puzzled. She enquired, “Bapu, you could have asked my son to stop eating sugar when we visited you last week. Why did you ask us to come back this week?” Gandhi answered, “Ben (Sister,) last week, I, too, was eating a lot of sugar. … You must be the change you wish to see in the world.”

Effective Leaders ‘Walk the Talk’

Consider the following case. Ian joined a financial services company and assumed leadership of a group of analysts. In his first staff meeting, he declared, “Our people are our greatest asset.” He asserted that his primary objective as the manager of the organization was to keep them engaged, motivated and happy.

When one of Ian’s employees returned to work after a three-month maternity leave (she had had her first child,) Ian never enquired her about her child or her experiences. Becoming a mother was the most significant event of her life to date. The day she returned to work, Ian assigned her critical projects and demanded her full attention to these projects. Clearly, Ian’s behavior was incongruent with his stated mission of appreciating his people.

As the above example illustrates, frequently, leaders announce personal and organizational values and goals but fail to act on their words — their behaviors do not match their stated missions. Defining values and goals is often rather easy — conforming and getting others to conform to these initiatives is challenging. Leaders quickly lose their credibility by failing to ‘walk the talk.’

Call for Action

Audit yourself. At home or work, write down your objectives. Reflect on your actions. Analyze your behaviors. Do your actions uphold your objectives? Gather feedback from your people. Ask what you can do to achieve your objectives. Ask how you can walk your talk.

***See other articles related to credibility, leadership skills, managerial skills, motivating people, leaders and bosses, anecdotes, Gandhi

Passive Voice Tends to be Indirect and Difficult

Consider the following messages.

• In an email to a supplier, my engineer declared, “It was determined to use cast-iron instead of aluminum for this component.”
• In a thank-you card, my colleague acknowledged, “Your thoughtfulness and assistance are greatly appreciated.”
• In a facsimile cover letter, my attorney confirmed, “A copy of this letter will be sent to you by post.”

These sentences are in passive voice. Each sentence, although grammatically correct, seems impersonal and is rather obscure about responsibility of the respective actions or feelings conveyed.

In general, sentences in passive voice tend to be long-winded and indirect in expression.

Structures of Active and Passive Sentences

Sentences in active voice have the owner-verb-recipient structure. Here is an example: “Our assistant lost your project report.”

Sentences in the passive voice have the recipient-verb-owner structure. Sometimes, the owner is absent, leading to recipient-verb structures. Here are examples: “Your project report was lost by our assistant,” or just, “your project report was lost.”

‘Grammar Girl’ Promotes Active Voice

Grammar Girl, a popular blog for better written-communication skills, advocates active voice over passive voice.

Passive sentences aren’t incorrect; it’s just that they often aren’t the best way to phrase your thoughts. Sometimes passive voice is awkward and other times it’s vague.

When you put sentences in passive voice, it’s easy to leave out the agent doing the action. For example, “Amy is loved” is passive. The problem with that sentence is that you don’t know who loves Amy. In fact, politicians often use passive voice to intentionally obscure the idea of who is taking the action.

So, these are some of the reasons to avoid passive voice: the form can lead to awkward sentences and obscured meaning. Also, passive voice is wordy. You can tighten up your writing a lot if you use active voice more often than passive.

Active Voice is Ideal

Active voice is direct, simple and shorter in structure. Therefore, communications in active voice convey clarity of thought and hence are easier to understand.

Here are enhancements to the three examples in the first section of this article.

• In his email to a supplier, the engineer could declare, “We determined to use cast iron instead of aluminum for this component.”
• In her thank-you card, the colleague could acknowledge, “I appreciate your thoughtfulness and assistance.”
• In her facsimile cover sheet, the attorney could confirm, “I will send you a copy of this letter by post.”

Concluding Thoughts

In our professional and personal lives, how we convey a message is just as important as the message itself. Communication is effective only when a speaker or writer and his/her audience can connect and understand the message alike. Consequently, clarity and ease-of-comprehension are two of the most important requisites to effective communication. Active voice can facilitate effective communication.

***See other articles related to persuasion, written communication, general communication, verbal communication, public speaking, presentation skills

Concept of ‘Inbox Zero’

In a seminar at Google (see video on YouTube or slides at Slideshare,) productivity guru Merlin Mann discusses the prevalent practice of misuse of email systems.

A number of us check email too frequently, retain too many unread emails in our inboxes or set aside emails without processing them completely, and, habitually organize our work around our email inboxes.

Merlin emphasizes that one of the most important soft-skills a knowledge worker could possess is the ability to productively process a high volume of email. He advocates effectively handling email by implementing and maintaining a system whereby, regardless of the sender or the content, you could process all incoming email by choosing one of the actions described below.

‘Process to Zero’

The core idea behind Merlin’s system of productivity with emails is the practice of maintaining a blank inbox by processing all emails each time you check email. “You never check your email without processing to zero.”

Merlin advocates checking two or three times a day and processing every email through one of these actions: deleting or archiving, delegating, responding, deferring or just ‘doing.’

Here is a system that I personalized and have practiced for the last two years or so.

1. Delete: Many emails that you receive are intended to update or inform you of some development. Or, they could be about commercial promotions, reminders or automatic notifications of certain events in our organization. Immediately delete these and all other emails of questionable value.
2. Archive: If you need to store an incoming email for future reference, move it to an appropriate folder. Develop an organization scheme that works best for you. For instance, you may create a system of folders based on projects you are responsible for; each folder could then store emails related to its project.
   Note to Gmail users: Gmail does not support the concept of folders. Instead try the system of labels. See this FAQ.
3. Respond Immediately: If you can act on an incoming email in a minute or two, act on the email immediately. If you need to respond, compose and send a response immediately.
4. Defer: If you cannot act on an email in a minute or two, hit the ‘Reply’ button to start responding to the email and then save a draft of the reply for future action. Then, delete the original (incoming) email or move it to an appropriate folder. Add the task to your to-do list. When you have completed the task and have all the information necessary to respond, resume composing the draft email and send the email. Your ‘Draft’ folder thus supplements to your to-do list. If appropriate, reserve an hour or two each afternoon to collect information, complete all such tasks and clear your ‘Draft’ folder.
5. Delegate: If another person could best act on an incoming email, forward the message. If you would like to track the delegatee’s response, record an action item in your to-do list or calendar. Then, delete the incoming email or move it to an appropriate folder.

Supporting Actions

• Turn off the ‘notify me when new mail arrives‘ feature on your email software to avoid interruptions and help you focus on your work outside of email.
• Do not open email until later in the morning. A majority of us tend to be more productive earlier in the day. Hence, use your mornings to focus on your more-important responsibilities and priority tasks.
• Check email twice or thrice a day only, or more frequently depending on nature of your job. Process to zero and close your email software when done checking email.
• By the end of each day, target to clear all your incoming mails and try to maintain a zero inbox.

Concluding Thoughts

Evaluate the ‘Zero Inbox‘ and ‘Process to Zero‘ practices and customize these ideas to suit your particular circumstances. Implementing and maintaining a system of productive email practice can help you feel better organize your responsibilities and tasks.

***See other articles related to email productivity, electronic organization, personal organization, time management