Right Attitudes » Ideas for Impact » by Nagesh Belludi

“The eyes are the mirror of the soul.”
- A Yiddish Proverb

Our eyes play a major role in our interpersonal communication. The eyes express our moods and reactions more overtly than does other body language. By and large, observant people can attempt to understand our attitudes through the nature of our eye contact, our facial expressions and body language.

When we meet other people, we usually observe their eyes first. When we speak, we tend to look other’s eyes. And, in return, we expect our audience to look at our eyes and pay their undivided attention. Hence, making and keeping good eye contact with others is an important habit.

Trick used by President John F. Kennedy

The Reader’s Digest guide ‘How to Write and Speak Better’ notes a technique used by President John F Kennedy.

When people look and listen they tend to focus on one eye rather than both. Kennedy, however, would look from eye to eye when he listened, softening the expression in his own eyes at the same time, and so giving the impression that he cared greatly about the speaker’s feelings.

Trick: Make a Mental Note of Their Eye Color

The ‘Success Begins Today‘ blog cites a technique from Nicholas Boothman’s book, ‘How to Connect in Business in 90 Seconds or Less.’

Eye contact and smile … it’s a simple courtesy and leads to a relaxed conversation. If you tend to be a shy person, this may be somewhat difficult for you. You may tend to look down or away when greeting someone. This can break the conversation right away.

When you meet or greet someone for the first time, just make a mental note of their eye color. This simple technique is amazingly effective. If you are looking for their eye color you’ll automatically make eye contact for a second or two.

Keeping Eye Contact in Conversations

When people maintain eye contact during a conversation, others usually interpret the eye contact as a sign of interest, confidence, honesty, compassion and sympathy depending on the nature of the conversation. Failure to maintain eye contact may be interpreted as signs of suppression of emotions or truth, distraction, disagreement, confusion, reticence or lack of interest. Further, when people react to blame or accusation or are provoked into defensiveness or aggressiveness, their eye contact increase considerably—often, their pupils dilate.

Individual Differences

Many people, due to innate shyness or cultural background, tend to evade or curtail eye contact. They do not realize that, even if they are sincere and confident, their lack of eye contact could inadvertently communicate insincerity and lack of self-assurance.

Cultural Differences

The amount of eye contact varies dramatically in different cultures. In Asian cultures, for instance, where formal social structures (age, experience, social status, etc.) exist, eye contact with somebody superior can be offending. In some parts of India, men and women do not keep eye contact with their in-laws, out of respect. In most cultures, a longer eye contact while interacting with the other gender may be read as a sign of intimacy and expression of interest.

Gender Differences

• Between men, prolonged eye contact may signal aggression or intent to dominate–especially so during acquaintance or if the men are not completely familiar with each other’s expectations. Although more contact is tolerable as a relationship grows, eye contact needs to be broken often.
• Women tend to maintain better eye contact in conversations with other women–more so with friends and family than with strangers. Generally, women interpret eye contact as a sign of trust and compassion.
• Prolonged eye contact, an intent-look in particular, between men and women may quickly be interpreted as a sign of intimate interest. In the absence of romantic interest, concentrated eye contact must be avoided.

Avoid Staring and Gazing into Somebody’s Eyes

Staring or gazing at other individuals is typically awkward, sometimes intimidating. Never overdo an eye contact. Break eye contact often.

Call for Action: Keep Eye Contact

People who keep good eye contact are usually seen as personable, self-assured and confident. In the context of cultural backgrounds of the people around you, consider what messages your eye contact and body language may be unconsciously communicating about you. A firm handshake and a smile at the onset of a meeting, and eye contact throughout your conversations can establish a good impression of you.

Recommended Reading

• Personal Spaces for Social Interaction: Intimate space, casual space, social space and public space

***See other articles related to Body language, etiquette, personality development, cross-cultural interaction, interaction, interpersonal skills, people skills

Lessons of Silence

Bruno Kahne, a corporate consultant for the aeronautical industry, shares how deaf people helped his corporate clients be effective communicators. His article appears on the website of the strategy+business magazine, published by management consulting firm Booz & Company. See full article or PDF file. Below is a summary of the article.

Through their “handicap,” deaf people develop certain communication skills more thoroughly than most hearing people, which make them uncommonly effective at getting their point across. When they interact with one another, deaf people act in ways that let them communicate more rapidly and accurately than hearing people.

To improve your “hearing,” consider some of these lessons from our experiences and training sessions.

1. Do not take notes. You will be more present in the interaction and you can concentrate more. And the more you do it, the better you remember.
2. Don’t interrupt. A deaf person ensures that he or she first understands the other speaker before trying to be understood. Try this the next time you’re in a business discussion, ideally one in which there’s some tension — let the other person finish what he or she has to say, then silently count to three before responding.
3. Say what you mean, as simply as possible. Deaf people are direct. They reveal not only their thoughts, but also their feelings, both positive and negative, more clearly than hearing people do, as they express them with their whole bodies. Similarly, the deaf are often far better than hearing people at finding the most economical way to convey their message.
4. When you don’t understand something, ask. Deaf people feel completely at ease saying “I don’t know” or “I don’t understand.” Those of us with hearing aren’t nearly as willing to admit confusion or lack of comprehension. We often sit silently in meetings while our colleagues use acronyms or technical jargon we don’t grasp because we think asking for clarification is a sign of weakness.
5. Stay focused. The deaf cut themselves off from any distractions, they don’t multitask, and they focus their attention entirely on the conversation.

Overall, the most inspiring thing about communication with deaf people — and the behavior most worth emulating — is their incredibly strong desire to exchange information efficiently and without adornment.

Call for Action

All of the suggestions in the article are trite and obvious. When I discuss such desired behaviors in my seminars or during one-on-one coaching sessions, I can sense my audience negligently declaring, “I know that.” My response is usually along the lines of “Sure, you know that. And, tell me how and where do you apply these ideas in your everyday interactions?”

Most of the articles I write on this blog are about simple ideas. I hope my articles serve as a reminder of key principles and help you tune-up your communications and behaviors. As you read through my articles, instead of declaring, “I know that,” ask, “How do/can I apply these principles in my everyday interactions?” Take responsibility for the effectiveness of your communications and your ability to influence and get the results you desire.

***See other articles related to effective communication, meetings, listening, note-taking, comprehension, technical jargon

***Via ‘I can see what they’re saying,’ Doc Searls at Harvard

In “The McKinsey Way,” author Ethan M. Rasiel presents numerous insights to problem solving, analytical reasoning and effective communication practiced at McKinsey and Company, one of the world’s foremost management-consulting firms.

Pre-Wiring a Presentation

Pre-wiring a presentation involves discussing your findings and recommendations with key decision-makers independently ahead of a group presentation. By getting various participants’ buy-in to the contents of your presentation, you ensure their support to your conclusions and avoid surprise reactions and disagreements.

There should be no surprises on the day of the presentation. All the major players should be taken through the solution in private. This way, necessary negotiation, compromise, and new facts that are integral to the acceptance of the proposal will be integrated by the time of the presentation. Pre-wiring removes much of the good to what risk from the presentation and allows the team to shine.

Following the practice of pre-wiring at McKinsey, organizations such as Wipro Technologies have started promoting pre-wiring. See article from Fast Company magazine.

Possible Reactions to a Pre-wired Presentation

• If your research is thorough and conclusions are logical, each decision-maker you meet ahead of a presentation may accept the contents of your presentation and agree to support your presentation.
• During the course of your conversations, you may uncover new details that may compel you to adjust your conclusions. Quite possibly, you may have to negotiate and make compromises in your conclusions.
• If a key decision-maker raises objections to your conclusions, you may rethink through your entire analysis and develop an alternate solution to the problem at hand.

Benefits of Pre-wiring a Presentation

• Prevents Blindsiding: Clearly, the biggest advantage of discussing a presentation with key decision-makers ahead of a group presentation is that it keeps you “from getting blindsided by major objections to your solution.” By avoiding surprises, you ensure each participant’s backing to your conclusions.
• Helps Get Buy-In: Presentations are usually time-constrained. There may not be sufficient time to describe finer aspects of your research, your deductions and recommended actions. Meeting with individual participants can help you supply all the relevant details to each participant, help him/her appreciate how your recommendations may affect him/her and get a buy-in.
• Develops Perspective: Presenting your findings to individuals allows you to gather additional inputs that help you develop a broader perspective. You may uncover new details that may compel you to adjust your conclusions.
• Helps prepare for the final presentation and tailor your message to suit the audience.

Concluding Thoughts

Pre-wiring a presentation improves the likelihood that your audience will identify with your approach and consent to your recommendations.

Related Articles

• Establishing Credibility for Persuasion: How to research and deduce concrete inferences in support of your positions

***See other articles related to persuasive communication, persuasion, selling ideas, effective presentations, McKinsey

In our personal and professional lives, our reactions and follow-ups to errors and missteps reflect greatly on our character. Previous blog articles [1] and [2] have discussed the importance of recognizing our slip-ups, expressing regret and saying ‘Sorry.’

Quite often, when we apologize, we tend to add details to our apologies: we may provide an explanation, or try to account for the circumstances that led to our errors or missteps. In other words, we sometimes tend to qualify our apologies.

Trying to qualifying apologies can dilute the sincerity of our apologies.

Risk: Trying to offer excuses or justify behavior

Take the example of yelling at your spouse when she was late to pick you up at the airport. The next day, you like to apologize for yelling at her. All you need is a simple, “I am sorry I yelled at you yesterday. I shouldn’t have.”

You may attempt to qualify the apology by adding, “You know, I had been traveling for five hours. I was hungry and tired.” Though your reasons for being upset were probably justifiable, your spouse may sense excuses or justification for your yelling. Including reasons with the apology statement may make your spouse question the sincerity of your apology.

Risk: Trying to transfer blame

Suppose that you promised to watch a movie with your spouse on Valentine’s Day. However, your boss asked you to attend a late-evening teleconference with an important international client. You could not go home in good time for the movie. Your spouse is upset. All you need to say is, “I realize I am late for the movie. I regret I did not excuse myself from the meeting early. I am sorry. Shall we watch the movie on Friday evening?”

If you try to qualify the apology by stating, “It was my boss who asked me to attend the meeting. He is unreasonable. I wish he had asked me earlier. We could have planned accordingly.” Clearly, this is an attempt to blame the boss for not being able to say ‘no’ to the late-request from the boss. You spouse sees it as an attempt to draw attention to your helplessness at work and deflect the blame.

Concluding Thoughts

The secret to sincere apologies is to keep your apology-statements straightforward and short. Do not attempt to explain or rationalize your behavior–these just dilute the sincerity of your apology.

Related Articles

• How to express regret and apologize
• Expressing regret or apologizing: A critical component of leadership

***See other articles related to Expressing regret, apologizing, saying sorry, handling mistakes, leadership skills, people skills

Passive Voice Tends to be Indirect and Difficult

Consider the following messages.

• In an email to a supplier, my engineer declared, “It was determined to use cast-iron instead of aluminum for this component.”
• In a thank-you card, my colleague acknowledged, “Your thoughtfulness and assistance are greatly appreciated.”
• In a facsimile cover letter, my attorney confirmed, “A copy of this letter will be sent to you by post.”

These sentences are in passive voice. Each sentence, although grammatically correct, seems impersonal and is rather obscure about responsibility of the respective actions or feelings conveyed.

In general, sentences in passive voice tend to be long-winded and indirect in expression.

Structures of Active and Passive Sentences

Sentences in active voice have the owner-verb-recipient structure. Here is an example: “Our assistant lost your project report.”

Sentences in the passive voice have the recipient-verb-owner structure. Sometimes, the owner is absent, leading to recipient-verb structures. Here are examples: “Your project report was lost by our assistant,” or just, “your project report was lost.”

‘Grammar Girl’ Promotes Active Voice

Grammar Girl, a popular blog for better written-communication skills, advocates active voice over passive voice.

Passive sentences aren’t incorrect; it’s just that they often aren’t the best way to phrase your thoughts. Sometimes passive voice is awkward and other times it’s vague.

When you put sentences in passive voice, it’s easy to leave out the agent doing the action. For example, “Amy is loved” is passive. The problem with that sentence is that you don’t know who loves Amy. In fact, politicians often use passive voice to intentionally obscure the idea of who is taking the action.

So, these are some of the reasons to avoid passive voice: the form can lead to awkward sentences and obscured meaning. Also, passive voice is wordy. You can tighten up your writing a lot if you use active voice more often than passive.

Active Voice is Ideal

Active voice is direct, simple and shorter in structure. Therefore, communications in active voice convey clarity of thought and hence are easier to understand.

Here are enhancements to the three examples in the first section of this article.

• In his email to a supplier, the engineer could declare, “We determined to use cast iron instead of aluminum for this component.”
• In her thank-you card, the colleague could acknowledge, “I appreciate your thoughtfulness and assistance.”
• In her facsimile cover sheet, the attorney could confirm, “I will send you a copy of this letter by post.”

Concluding Thoughts

In our professional and personal lives, how we convey a message is just as important as the message itself. Communication is effective only when a speaker or writer and his/her audience can connect and understand the message alike. Consequently, clarity and ease-of-comprehension are two of the most important requisites to effective communication. Active voice can facilitate effective communication.

***See other articles related to persuasion, written communication, general communication, verbal communication, public speaking, presentation skills

Concept of ‘Inbox Zero’

In a seminar at Google (see video on YouTube or slides at Slideshare,) productivity guru Merlin Mann discusses the prevalent practice of misuse of email systems.

A number of us check email too frequently, retain too many unread emails in our inboxes or set aside emails without processing them completely, and, habitually organize our work around our email inboxes.

Merlin emphasizes that one of the most important soft-skills a knowledge worker could possess is the ability to productively process a high volume of email. He advocates effectively handling email by implementing and maintaining a system whereby, regardless of the sender or the content, you could process all incoming email by choosing one of the actions described below.

‘Process to Zero’

The core idea behind Merlin’s system of productivity with emails is the practice of maintaining a blank inbox by processing all emails each time you check email. “You never check your email without processing to zero.”

Merlin advocates checking two or three times a day and processing every email through one of these actions: deleting or archiving, delegating, responding, deferring or just ‘doing.’

Here is a system that I personalized and have practiced for the last two years or so.

1. Delete: Many emails that you receive are intended to update or inform you of some development. Or, they could be about commercial promotions, reminders or automatic notifications of certain events in our organization. Immediately delete these and all other emails of questionable value.
2. Archive: If you need to store an incoming email for future reference, move it to an appropriate folder. Develop an organization scheme that works best for you. For instance, you may create a system of folders based on projects you are responsible for; each folder could then store emails related to its project.
   Note to Gmail users: Gmail does not support the concept of folders. Instead try the system of labels. See this FAQ.
3. Respond Immediately: If you can act on an incoming email in a minute or two, act on the email immediately. If you need to respond, compose and send a response immediately.
4. Defer: If you cannot act on an email in a minute or two, hit the ‘Reply’ button to start responding to the email and then save a draft of the reply for future action. Then, delete the original (incoming) email or move it to an appropriate folder. Add the task to your to-do list. When you have completed the task and have all the information necessary to respond, resume composing the draft email and send the email. Your ‘Draft’ folder thus supplements to your to-do list. If appropriate, reserve an hour or two each afternoon to collect information, complete all such tasks and clear your ‘Draft’ folder.
5. Delegate: If another person could best act on an incoming email, forward the message. If you would like to track the delegatee’s response, record an action item in your to-do list or calendar. Then, delete the incoming email or move it to an appropriate folder.

Supporting Actions

• Turn off the ‘notify me when new mail arrives‘ feature on your email software to avoid interruptions and help you focus on your work outside of email.
• Do not open email until later in the morning. A majority of us tend to be more productive earlier in the day. Hence, use your mornings to focus on your more-important responsibilities and priority tasks.
• Check email twice or thrice a day only, or more frequently depending on nature of your job. Process to zero and close your email software when done checking email.
• By the end of each day, target to clear all your incoming mails and try to maintain a zero inbox.

Concluding Thoughts

Evaluate the ‘Zero Inbox‘ and ‘Process to Zero‘ practices and customize these ideas to suit your particular circumstances. Implementing and maintaining a system of productive email practice can help you feel better organize your responsibilities and tasks.

***See other articles related to email productivity, electronic organization, personal organization, time management

‘Facts bridge the credibility gap.’

In “The McKinsey Way,” author Ethan M. Rasiel presents numerous insights to problem solving, analytical reasoning and effective communication practiced by consultants from McKinsey & Company, one of the foremost management-consulting firms.

When a typical associate joins McKinsey & Company, she “will have graduated near the top of her college class, spent two or three years working for a large company, then received her MBA from a top business school. She will be in her mid- to late-twenties. On her first engagement, she may have to present her analysis to the CEO of a Fortune 50 company, who will not give much credence to what some newly minted, 27-year-old MBA has to say — unless she has an overwhelming weight of facts to back her up. This is just as true for a junior executive presenting a proposal to his boss.

Call for Action

One of the primary facets of our work is to sell ideas — to lead and persuade an audience to appreciate our arguments or our perceptions on a certain topic or problem.

Credibility is the cornerstone of persuasive communication. Many of us mistakenly presume that credibility is an entitlement—a function of our positions or affiliations. We fail to realise that credibility is a virtue we earn and preserve over time.

The single most effective approach to establishing credibility is to demonstrate concrete foundations to our proposed thoughts — to draw on meaningful information and deduce concrete inferences in support of our positions.

• Collect facts and data from reliable sources. Interpret data and demonstrate its relevance. Deduce and structure your arguments in a logical manner to lead people to draw conclusions you would like them to.
• Include particulars (data, analyses, information) of your background work in an appendix to your presentation or report.
• Consider your position from every angle and prepare to answer questions. Address counter-arguments in your communication: “Some of you may argue that… Let me assess the risk and suggest a contingency plan.”

Bear in mind that people trust a person’s thoughts so long as they trust the underlying research.

***See other articles related to persuasive communication, persuasion, selling ideas, research, presentations

Seven Steps to Better Presentations

Jeffrey Veen of Adaptive Path, and now, Google, lists seven steps for better presentations here. Here is a summary.

1. Tell stories
2. Show picture and use good metaphors
3. Don’t apologize for something out of order or for a mistake.
4. Start strong
5. End strong too
6. Stand away from the podium and out from behind the presenter table
7. Pause while speaking

Pausing While Speaking

Often, speakers and presenters talk quickly—sometimes to an extent that the audience cannot clearly understand the speakers’ words. Perhaps these speakers are nervous. Or, they may be excited about their speeches and hence, are in a rush to express their ideas.

An effective speaker uses lots of pauses in speeches. By pausing after important segments along a speech, a speaker can gather his/her thoughts. And, the audience gets a chance to absorb the contents of the speech.

On the other hand, some speakers tend to be slow, especially if they are contemplative. These speakers quickly lose the attention of the audience.

How to Improve Pausing in Speaking

1. While listening to radio or watching television, observe the speeches of newsreaders, stand-up comedians, broadcasters or background-narrators. Observe how they pause along their talking.
2. Choose a few newspaper- or magazine-articles and read them out aloud as you would in a speech. At each punctuation mark—a comma, period, semicolon, etc., —pause before you proceed to the next phrase or sentence. Record your speech on a tape-recorder or on your computer (use Audacity software, a freeware) and review.
3. As you prepare for an important presentation or speech, write down the entire text of your speech with plenty of punctuations. Practice your speech, record and review.

Concluding Thoughts

Audiences typically remember a very small portion of what they hear in speeches and presentations. By using plenty of pauses and pacing yourself, you can improve your ability to articulate and help your audience appreciate your thoughts.

***See other articles related to PowerPoint, presentation skills, presentations, public speaking, verbal communication

In this ‘information overload’ era, you confront a sizeable quantity of reading material everyday: books, magazines, newspapers, memos, reports, and so forth. You are incessantly pressed for time. Consequently, you probably have a stack of reading material accumulating at a corner of your desk.

Here are four habits to help manage your reading material.

Preview

• Preview memos, magazine- and newsletter-articles. Scrutinize the table of contents, and for each article that may seem interesting, scan through section-headings, introductory and concluding paragraphs, illustrations and keywords in boldface or italics. If you ought to read an article, tear-away or photocopy the relevant pages and add them to a ‘To Read’ folder.
• Preview books before buying or borrowing a book. Check reviews on Amazon.com or other websites. Scan the jacket cover, table of contents and chapter headings. After obtaining the book, focus on reading only chapters and sections that are relevant to your interests.

Organize

• Discard old reading material. If your reading material expands into a disorganized—and perhaps intimidating—pile, consider discarding the older articles, likely at the bottom of your pile. The content of these articles may no longer be relevant. In addition, you will probably never get to reading them.
• Classify for priority. Assess the importance of every article and organize your reading material into two or three groups. This way, if your reading stack gets unmanageable, you may discard the least-important group.

Expand Comprehension

• Read with purpose. Throughout your reading, ask yourself questions such as “What are the key details discussed here? How are these details relevant? What are the take-away ideas? What can I learn? How can I change?”
• Read the first and last lines of each paragraph to help grasp the premise of the entire paragraph. Check the summary or highlights first.
• Study tables, illustrations, graphics and charts carefully. Characteristically, these visual elements contain comprehensive information that may summarize entire sections of text.

Stay On Top

• Carry your ‘To Read’ folder in your briefcase or bag so you can read while waiting for an appointment with your dentist or at an airport waiting to board your flight.
• Set aside time for reading. Dedicate convenient times for reading activities and add these times to your calendar. Even brief periods of focused reading can be very productive.

Concluding Thoughts

In this fast-paced world, reading can be overwhelming. By prioritizing and adopting the above habits, you can make significant improvements to your ability to read more quickly and efficiently.

***See other articles related to time management, personal organization, reading, general communication, productivity, ideas for impact, career success

Stephen King “On Writing”

Blogger Henrik Edberg at the ‘Positivity Blog’ shares the following tips from celebrated science-fiction writer Stephen King’s book “On Writing.”

• Get to the point. Do not waste your reader’s time with too much back-story, long intros or longer anecdotes about your life. Reduce the noise.
• Write a draft. Then let it rest. King recommends that you crank out a first draft and then put it in your drawer to let it rest. This enables you to get out of the mindset you had when you wrote the draft and get a more detached and clear perspective on the text.
• Cut down your text. When you revisit your text, it is time to kill your darlings and remove all the superfluous words and sentences. Removing will de-clutter your text and often get your message through with more clarity and a bigger emotional punch.
• Be relatable and honest. One of the keys to doing that is to have an honest voice and honest characters with both bad and good sides to them. People we can relate to with all of their faults, passions, fears, weaknesses and good moments. Another key to being honest and relatable is keeping a conversational style.
• Write a lot. To become a better writer you probably—and not so surprisingly—need to write more.

Call for Action

Communication is all about the audience: it is about leading the audience to comprehend a message and identify your point of view. The above writing tips will help you focus on your message–be it in a speech, a blog post, an essay or an email.

To add to the above tips, as we have discussed in an earlier blog article, the most effective start to the communication process is to begin at the end and enumerate the outcome–the conclusions the audience should draw. This helps you collect and present ideas logically and thus lead the audience to those desired conclusions.

***See other articles related to persuasion, written communication, general communication, verbal communication, public speaking, presentation skills